Is Common Courtesy Dead?
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Aug 7, 2009
I've been feeling a little old lately, and it's not only because of the passing of Michael Jackson or the fact that, at some point this year, I'll be turning 50.
The latest thing seems to be this assault on what I consider as common courtesy, or at least how it used to be defined. I say that because I've recently had two people, one I'll 'out' and the other I won't, who have said that my thoughts on the subject are antiquated.
A few nights ago on Twitter, I was having a conversation with the one I'm not going to 'out'. It was based on a communication that someone we both know had send through to Twitter. This young man was out somewhere with a bunch of his friends, and decided to Twitter it.
I was of the opinion that if you're out with friends, your attention should be on them, unless they've left you alone. My friend said that's not how things are done today, and that it's okay to communicate with other people, no matter the situation. I said I felt that was discourteous, and my friend said that's just how it is today, and that I needed to move into the 21st century. Of course, this friend of mine does the same thing to me on a consistent basis when we go out to breakfast sometimes, and even at a planned event at his hose last week, with a couple other people there, he paused for the cause and was reading some of his Twitter messages. I expect it now because it's him, but I don't necessarily like it. And he knows this, by the way.
I find that kind of thing strange. So, on Tuesday, I was walking with my wife at the park, and I mentioned the conversation and some other things, and she said it had to be me wanting the attention more than any perception of courtesy. I said that I was of the opinion that if someone chose to be with you for awhile that it seemed implied that it was only the two of you, and that was that; after all, that's how it was in the past. She said that if someone needed to make a quick call during an informal meeting that it wasn't such a big deal. I agreed to that, but I asked what if it were a 20 minute conversation while you were out at dinner. She said she wouldn't like it, but she'd roll with it for awhile, and if it went longer then she'd leave. I said why should it be allowed to go that far and that long, and didn't she see it as terrible "customer service?" She said that's just how it is today, and that no one cares anymore about common courtesy.
I'm sorry, but I refuse to believe that. I can't believe that common sense has been lost to such a degree that people have no clue when they're being rude. And yet, maybe I'm wrong. Years ago I wrote about a customer service fiasco I suffered through at a very high class store. I had a minor complaint, and the first person I went to kept talking to her friend on the phone while taking care of me, never speaking to me except her final statement, telling me I had to go to, of all things, customer service. Then customer service complained about their process instead of taking care of me, went off to complain about the person who'd sent me to her, then had me overhear someone else making a derogatory statement about me making my complaint, without realizing I was just around the corner. Common sense indeed; not.
Someone please tell me my thinking isn't all that antiquated, that someone does still care about being treated properly, and that treating someone else properly isn't going away from America for good. My faith in people is somewhat shaken, and that's making me feel really old these days. Please tell me, is common courtesy dead?
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I believe that although things may be changing in certain circles and with certain age groups – the common courtesy that you are referring to is probably more prevalent throughout certain areas of the country than some are attempting to lead you to believe – it may be simply the people you are surrounding yourself with – at least some of the time –
I’m not quite sure I know what you’re saying, Walter. The part about “some attempting to lead me to believe” part. I do understand that you live downstate NY, where there’s a different form of courtesy practiced (if we can call it that; love downstate, though), but otherwise, I’m thinking the rules of common courtesy are common, which is why we call it that.
🙂 Need I say more?
Wow, who sent you over?
Doesn’t this has to do with what a person values? Others simply do not place a value on this. It is the way they are…it aligns with their value system, and that is just the way it is. Some of them are not as successful as they could be because of this. Others are extremely successful in spite of this.
It offends my sensibilities because I believe that the greatest gift that we can give each other is our time–undivided attention…really listening to each other.
I suppose that we either like them or we do not; we do business with them or we do not; we associate with them or we do not, by our own choosing; understanding that is simply the rules they live by.
I sometimes understand the rules, and other times I just don’t see it. I remember being at a networking event and this young woman in her early 30’s complaining because the school took her daughter’s cell phone away, and suddenly the mother couldn’t reach the daughter during classes. I mean, where’s the common sense in that? The mother thought it was her right; how do people figure things like this out?
Common courtesy is not only dead but it has gone to heaven and reincarnated into an entirely different animal.
In this day and age many people find it a burden to even say thank you.
As for conversations on the phone or texting while “spending time” with a friend. Well, this article was posted in 2009. By now 2013, it’s gotta be blatantly obvious that many people spend more time on their smartphones than talking to the people that are actually there with them!
That’s true Jack. It’s amazing how many times I meet someone out for lunch and they spend half of it looking at their cellphones. That’s sad and yet the fact that I’ve come to expect it is kind of sad as well.