Sometimes People Don’t Want To Be Motivated
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on May 15, 2015
Over the past few months I've been trying to elevate my presence on social media. I've been doing it in two ways.
One way is through Twitter, where I've been sharing a lot of articles from this blog and some of my other blogs over and over. I've tried to pick what I consider are the best of the best.
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The other way is by posting quotes from blog posts of mine. I started from the earliest posts, which began in 2005, and I'm through the middle of 2009. I only go back to find more every couple of weeks or so, which means I'm posting the same quotes multiple times. However, like the blog posts, I have so many that even though I post them more than once, it probably takes at least a week before I'll repeat a quote.
Overall it's been a pretty positive experience. I've had more people reading my blog posts and wanting to connect with me on Twitter. That's pretty cool; that it hasn't translated into more comments has been interesting, but there are some folks who just aren't going to comment on blogs.
However, all isn't perfect. What I've found here and there are people who want to debate a quote. Most of the time it's a motivational quote; that's kind of strange to me.
I could see having a debate on a political issue. Actually, I have a few quotes that touch upon diversity issues. Those I would be prepared to discuss with someone; I always feel there's never enough discussion about race.
But motivation? I mean, does a quote like "I like to believe that all of us have the potential to be great, do great, live great, and feel great" really seem like one that people wouldn't like, or that someone couldn't feel good about?
That one hasn't had any negative responses but others like it have. Initially I thought that maybe I was missing the point of my own quote, or maybe I wasn't thinking it through enough. Maybe I was off base in some fashion.
However, other people were sharing and favoring those quotes, and they seemed fine from my perspective.
What I finally realized is that not everyone wants to be motivated. I should have come to this realization much earlier than I did because it's happened to me before.
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I'm one of those people who likes trying to make others feel good when I can. Even when I'm in leadership mode and have had to counsel someone I never tried to break them down or crush their spirit. What use would anyone be to me or the organization if I did that?
Yet, there are some people who don't want that. And when they don't want it they'll tell you in much harsher terms than you're expecting. I have a rule that I don't give advice unless I'm asked and I stick by that, but trying to make someone feel better when they're down? If it's something very serious like issues with a family member I know that's not the time to try to motivate anyone but other times?
What does one do in those types of situations?
I go by two other rules. Both of them are based on lines from movies; yeah, I can be goofy sometimes.
The first comes from Star Trek: Wrath of Khan, where Mr. Spock says "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
The second comes from Airplane where this lady, Barbara Billingsly, who famously played the mother on Leave It To Beaver, says to herself while walking away from a situation "Chump don' want no help, chump don't GET da help!" lol
What do these two quotes mean?
Basically, if someone expresses an aversion to being motivated I never try to motivate them again. I don't want anyone to have to deal with something they've indicated they don't like.
That won't stop me from trying to motivate others or posting motivational messages. Most people like them, some tell me they help them, and those numbers are much higher than the numbers of those who don't like them. And, since they're meant to be positive as well as thought provoking, my intentions are good; I can live with it.
Do you run into people who hate motivational messages? Does it make you want to stop trying with everyone, or are you able to rise above the fray? For that matter are you someone who doesn't like motivational messages?
Even though I’m a professional coach who works with business owners, high potentials, and those in career transition, people are shocked when I say I’m not necessarily a motivator.
If I have to motivate you, that means you really don’t want to do it in the first place.
What I attempt to do with a client is uncover why they want something in the first place. Is what they’re trying to do in alignment with who they are? In alignment with their values?
Having said that I do post quotes that will inspire or change the person’s energy. In the end, I’m about changing energy.
That’s an interesting take you have Steve. I’ve always been a motivator because people get down here and there, and in my mind that doesn’t mean they don’t want to do it; they’ve just hit a bad place for the moment.
It’s a shame that you’ve encountered any sort of negative reaction to being positive, but there’s truth in being unable to please everyone. For whatever reason, and it may not have to do with motivation at all, some people like to be argumentative or just challenging. It’s great you’re experimenting with twitter and I hope you’ve found some good methods that work for you. I always feel really strange in tweeting something more than once so I usually delete the original tweet before I re-tweet it again. I should probably play around with it more to see what works the best and what’s producing little to no result, but there’s time for that. Best wishes to you!
Thanks for your thoughts Corrina. Don’t ever delete your tweets; truthfully, once they’re out there you can’t truly delete them anyway. Just tweet and let that stuff stay! You’re right though, some folks just like to argue no matter what; have to guard against giving them any of my energy. 🙂
Argh, I spent 20 minutes writing a comment and it was deleted because it had a link 🙁 Extremely demotivational.
Anyway, John McGreggor, said it best in his classic The Human Side of Enterprise (over 50 years ago and plenty of research since confirms his findings).
The answer to the question managers so often ask of behavioral scientists “How do you motivate people?” is, “You don’t.”
Greetings John,
Based on my own history I tend to disagree with that particular assessment. I think research in this field often depends on who’s doing it and what their premise is when they go in. For instance, I could look for research that supports my position and come up with Ken Blanchard, well known for One Minute Manager, as well as a study performed by the Charles T. Schmidt, Jr. Labor Research Center just for starters.
Throwing that out, I’d rather go off my own research, things that have worked for me over all my years. It’s always nice when you have some folks who can motivate themselves because it makes your life easier. However, if you as a leader are willing to rest on that premise and not follow up from time to time to make sure everyone is still on the same page and still giving you their best, and things fall apart, it’s the leader’s fault for not stepping up to the plate and doing the part of their job that’s necessary. I’d rather not take anything for granted.
Of course, motivating employees is different than motivating others. I’ll stick with my beliefs via Mr. Spock and Mrs. Billingsly. 🙂
Nice and very informative article #Mitch Sir. I often have to get the staff to do things they don’t like doing. I never get them to do things that are pointless, and I always try and find a reason that they can understand. But ultimately the Board and myself may take a tough decision based on whats best for our business, not whats most enjoyable for staff, and its then down to the staff to see it through. Keep It Up!!!
Unfortunately Uttam, sometimes that’s just what one has to do as a leader. I’m big on motivation and encouragement, but the times can impact how it goes over, or the mood of the people or person at the time something specific needs to be taken care of.
yes, Mitch Sir! you are right! defiantly Motivating other people depends on their mood. Sometimes they don’t want to be motivated as me.
Yup; when that happens we still have to figure out what to do when work needs to get done.