Know When To Walk Away
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Nov 9, 2008
Every once in awhile, we all get upset or irritated by someone else, and they're probably getting irritated with you at the same time. It's hard in both personal and working relationships when this type of thing happens.
 |
In the book Crucial Conversations, they give plenty of scenarios and tips on how to deal with people when one may not have the option of just getting up and leaving, and for the most part I agree with what they wrote. However, I don't believe that every crucial situation necessarily needs both parties to sit there until everything has been resolved.
Sometimes it's a smart thing to get up, walk away for some bit of time, calm down, then prepare what you need to say, or even prepare for what you may need to hear. If you're too emotional in the moment, you'll never hear or understand what someone else has to say anyway, regardless of how it's been presented.
I also believe that not every conversation that someone believes is crucial to them is crucial to you. Many years ago, I ran into one person who wasn't happy with a newsletter I wrote about my dad, of all things, because my dad had been in the military. For three or four days this person wrote me long, rambling letters that didn't make a whole lot of sense, even though I did know from the beginning what this person's point was.
I gave it a shot at communicating, then thought about it and realized that this was someone who just wanted someone else to argue with, and it wasn't going to be me. That he chose an article I wrote about my dad to start this trouble was infuriating enough. So, I stopped communicating, removed the person from the newsletter mailing list, and moved on with my life. Sometimes, people just want to argue for the sake of arguing; they need to argue with themselves.
Sometimes we have to let the other person have the last word, whether we agree with them or not. If nothing's going to be solved, why keep pushing it? Sometimes on my blogs, there can be quite a few messages that are give and take, and I have to determine when it's time to let the other person have the last word and move on.
It's probably one of the biggest lessons I've ever had to learn. Have you learned it yet?
I used to work for a family of non-daily newspapers in Massachusetts. As a small operation, it was really easy for the general public to get in touch with editors by phone.
We would frequently take calls from people who didn’t agree with us. and if you’ve ever disagreed with a newspaper article, you know you have to be pretty upset with it to make a phone call.
Typically, there were no factual errors in these articles; people just didn’t like the way they thought someone came across, or with perceived bias (even on articles clearly labeled “opinion” or “analysis”).
Basically, if we answered the phone and someone started yelling, we’d leave the phone on the desk and get back to work. When we heard the yelling stop, we would pick up the phone again and say, “Thank you for calling to express your concerns. What would you like me to do?”
In three years, I can’t name one instance when someone actually wanted something. They just wanted to yell.
Josh´s last blog post..Remembering Kristallnacht: How far have we come?
That’s funny stuff, Josh, and yet it’s so true. Working customer service can be interesting sometimes, because you’re right, half just want to complain about something that has nothing to do with the reality of things.
I think the main reason why a lot of us don’t want to walk away a lot of times is because we think that by giving in to the other person means we haven’t won the argument.
Sometimes, an individual can do his or her utmost to yield to another, as to keep the peace, but at times the other party can view this as cowardice or victory.
hissip´s last blog post..Mariah Carey’s Mexican Vacation!
And the question to that point, Hissip, is “So?” Heck, a person could get beaten up badly and still walk away thinking they won. And how many times have you heard about a court case where there was a clear winner, and yet both sides claim victory? If someone deludes themselves into perceiving someone walking away as a weakness, it’s their problem. When folks worry too much about what someone else might think, that’s when real trouble occurs.