How about a story from my past, how one gets dismissed and ends up being right when things fall apart after you leave? Am I being petty? Yes... yes I am, but I'm not alone in things happening like this. Or am I? Let's find out.

Do you want this guy around?

Back in April 2015, I wrote a post titled Can You Be Fired From A Volunteer Job? It was my telling of basically deciding to give up on a position I'd held for pretty much 12 of 16 years as the local chapter president of a larger national organization, after basically being threatened with ouster. One of the strange things is that no one from the organization has ever officially mentioned it anywhere that I know of, as I continued to get regular mail for a couple of years afterwards.

Actually, it turned out to not be as freaky, or even as common as it seemed. Believe it or not, there were two other organizations where I felt like I wasn't wanted as a member. I left both, yet decades later both organizations still sent me monthly messages, first trying to get me back as a member, then trying to get me to advertise with them; of all things!

I've never been one of those people who's stayed around when I knew folks didn't want me there... for the most part. When I was in high school in the city that I live in now, I wasn't the most popular person around. The reason was because I wasn't from the area; I started high school in a new city in my junior year. Almost all the friends I ended up getting were others who moved there around the same time and had the same problems breaking through.

At that time, traveling because I was a military kid and also an only child helped me a lot. I didn't need anyone else's approval to do whatever I wanted to do. I didn't care who might not have wanted me in a lot of places within the school as long as I wasn't doing anything wrong. So if other students didn't like it... tough.

As adults, sometimes those lines get blurred. Sometimes we have to weigh what we want or need from something versus someone else's apparent dislike of us or wish to dismiss us from whatever it happens to be.

I figure it these three ways.

First, if it has to do with my money, I'd rather use it on something that's benefiting me more than someone else. That's why I've left many organizations... and probably why they continue reaching out to me for more, as the people at the top or in other spaces either don't know or don't care what's going on below them.

Second, if someone doesn't want you to the point of deciding to make your life miserable, why give them the satisfaction? That is, unless you have some authority you can use to not only stay but to affect things whether they like them or not. Most of the time I left, but I did have this one time when I decided to stay and go up against a clueless bully. I eventually won that battle, and didn't feel a bit of remorse, especially since he actually hurt himself, and I was just part of the group (and the leader of the group) that reported him for it. Big lesson; if you decide to go after someone you don't like, don't make it too easy for them to crush you. 🙂

Third, sometimes you have to figure that maybe you've been doing something for so long that, even if it wasn't perfect, it was comfortable. That's why I left the first group I first talked about immediately, and why I've left another groups over the years. I felt like someone new needed to go in and take my spot; at least it was my choice with the second one, so that felt a lot better.

Does this make me a quitter? No, I don't think so. If I wanted to fight I could, but sometimes you have to do what makes you feel better sooner than later. A few times I've been really irked and, being a fighter, thought about fighting. But why fight for something that, when you think about it, you've given more than you've gotten?

What happened later on? Turns out the time was perspicacious for all of the adventures that came to be. One, I was downsized from an organization, I gave a prediction to the president of the organization I worked at that came true 6 months later. Two, a year after I left two organizations, the local branches of each of them shut down; turns out they learned that the job was harder than they thought. Three, it gave me the time to take care of my mother, whose mental and regular health were in decline, and I'm proud of anything that happened up until she passed away is that I learned I had mental and personal strength that I never thought I had, even though I'm still going through depression and grief just over 3 years later.

Here's the question for you; what's your feeling? What do you do when you feel someone doesn't want you around?