Challenging Perceptions
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Oct 3, 2012
Life can be an interesting thing when you bring up stuff that alters their thinking on a topic or event. Last year I wrote a piece here called Whose Fault Is Perception, where I talked about a company where everyone thought this particular duty was someone else's and no one, including the person who actually was supposed to be over it, knew who was responsible for it.
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Last week I wrote a post here titled Diversity In Health Care, challenging the perceptions of people in health care who believe that they don't have any issues with diversity, and even after that piece heard from a couple of people, who didn't want to comment on the blog, on how I'm stirring things up by finding problems where none exist; oh really?
All of us hate having our perceptions of what's going on challenged, right or wrong. It's the same issue many of us have with change that we don't understand. It's not comfortable when someone disagrees with us, and our first reaction is to protect our borders, if you will, and tighten our stance because we know we're right.
But are we? A couple of days ago I had that same reaction when an article I wrote for a client's blog was challenged by someone with what looked to be a pretty good pedigree. I knew that the article I wrote was correct and was ready to challenge this person head on.
That is, until I read the article again and then read his letter again, which once again bypassed the blog and came directly to, well, my client this time, who forwarded it to me. I realized that when I wrote the article I knew exactly what I was thinking, was correct in my thinking, but left out some critical words at one point in the article that totally changed the meaning to something else; oops!
I wrote the man back, thanked him for pointing out what I'd omitted, told him my position and the purpose of the article and what I knew about the subject, and sent it back to him. He wrote back understanding my point, agreeing with it, and offered one more thing that I hadn't thought about, not to correct the article but to help bring my own point home. It all worked out in the end.
See, that's how perception works sometimes. I originally saw his letter as being pompous, a know-it-all, and challenging my position when I knew my position was correct. But stepping back a beat and checking what I'd written, I realized that I hadn't said what I meant to say and that he was absolutely right, and that his letter was more helpful than I could have imagined since, when all is said and done, my client would have been the one taking the heat for an incorrect article than me, since her name is on every article I write.
Back to my stirring up problems where there aren't any. In my own way I was this man. I've worked in health care for 29 years, and I've seen a lot of things. I've worked in many hospitals and visited many others; I know what I see. I know what I hear. And I know that very few hospitals, or other businesses for that matter, take seriously the issue of diversity, even if they say they do.
It's all about perception. If they perceive that they're right, they're right, even if they're wrong. The thing about business is that it's not always about you if you're afraid or not educated enough to look beyond what you think you see and address what you really see.
Good leaders address these things before they happen, and definitely address them when they do happen. Everyone else... well, when the incident comes and the lawsuit is filed, don't say no one warned you.
Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2012 Mitch Mitchell 
“If they perceive that they’re right, they’re right, even if they’re wrong. The thing about business is that it’s not always about you…” Agreed! In fact I would add that when you approach anything in life, the less you make it about you and the more you make it about others, the more influence and success will be coming your way.
I have run across the issue you mentioned above a couple of times early on in my professional career. However this is one of the many challenges that I love about life. Communication and how it is perceived between others, especially over the internet, is never easy. However if you have the humility to understand that each person see’s life a little differently, you can tap into how others might perceive a situation and use it to strengthen a relationship, which it seems like you did above!
Hi Mitch,
I agree with Blake. In addition, written communication, such as in your example – and any communication that doesn’t involve all the senses, (audi only for example), carries with it the liability that we may be misunderstood or not completely understood. Of course that can happen in a live conversation too, but less often because we have body language and gut feel and a whole lot more ‘information’ to go on.
It’s a funny one because if someone I don’t care about forms an incorrect impression of me then ‘it’s their problem’ and I let them get on with it: it’s their perception problem, not mine, in other words. Whereas if it was a client who formed in incorrect perception of me or my company it’s most definitely my problem.
Perception is an interesting word and you didn’t use the word opinion. I see perception as about what you see. On the other hand, what you conclude or opine based on that information you’ve perceived would be your opinion. I would imagine everyone will form different opionions of the importances and relevance of the information they’ve just perceived based upon their experiences and training.
I believe all you can say really is that if you intend to create an impression on an audience for whatever reason then you ‘own’ their reactions to the extent it was your creation and intent. But it assumes you’ve given them all the information in the correct context for them to have the ‘view’ you want them to have.
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Great position Roz. The reason I didn’t use “opinion” is because in this case I would have had to take what this man said, think about it, and then offer an opinion based on what I read. But opinions aren’t proactive in any way; in other words, having an opinion wouldn’t have fixed the issue because that’s what opinions don’t do. Perception is a much different thing because his initial perception gave me a perception at first, but it then made me take an action, which was to go back and read what I wrote, and suddenly it wasn’t opinion, it was fact, and thus my perception changed. But my opinion didn’t change at all because I knew what I wanted to say, just didn’t say it properly.
Still, your other point is a valid one. Whereas I don’t go out of my way to make anyone dislike me, if I’m myself and someone doesn’t like it, not my concern, because I know I go out of my way not to insult anyone. Matter of fact, people say I’m too nice and that I should work on that. lol That’s why I also blog as honestly as possible, but never with bad words, almost never with anger, and though the topic might make people uncomfortable, I never go out of my way to hurt anyone intentionally. But if that’s the effect, it’s more about them than me.
How’s that for perception? 🙂
Great response Blake; good for you! And I like how you put that, “the humility to understand.” It’s sometimes hard to defer from that knee jerk reaction to see what’s really going on, and sometimes it really is someone not being nice. But often there’s something good in there that we can take away from the interaction. And if not, we can walk away. Thanks; great stuff!
Mitch,
It is a human characteristic to want to be right, the most respected leader can admits his faults.
Nobody likes a my way or the highway type of person. It is a fact some people will hang around you as long as you have something to offer.
As soon as you fall from grace many people will abandon the ship faster than the titanic.
It is okay to be right, but it is how you handle the situation. A person who gloats will make enemies were as a humble person attracts friends.
They wonder what makes you so humble when you know you are right.
Thanks for the comment Michael. I’m going to say something that could be seen as gloating, but it’s not. I’m correct often; almost all the time in fact. However, it’s not because I’m necessarily so smart, and it’s not because I want to be. I evaluate things a lot and take in a lot of information. I love being right, so I take a lot of time making sure I’m going to be right, and if not I keep my mouth shut. But sometimes I’m right on a subject where I hope I’m going to be wrong because I know that something bad is going to happen. When it does, you can bet there’s no gloating or “I told you so”; it’s pain and distress. However, when I can, I’ve often thought of a way to fix or correct things when they do go wrong, and if I’m allowed to give it a shot then I will. Doesn’t work when you know someone’s about to fall in a relationship though; in those times, you just have to be there as a shoulder to cry on.
Wow Mitch, I just left you a comment on your computer maintenance post and figured I’d check out some of your other writing. I really liked this post.
Very thoughtful and considered! It reminded me of a sermon I wrote for a Unitarian Universalist congregation here in New Mexico. I’ve delivered it at a couple of congregations now (I’m not a minister, but I am regularly asked to speak as a guest preacher)
Anyway, it is long but I thought it might interest you:
Do We Know What We Believe or Do We Simply Believe That We Know? I’m glad to have found your posts and will definitely follow your blog!
That was an interesting post Mike, and the one response you got was interesting as well. The thing is that often people believe what they want to believe, and even if it’s not true they may still believe it. To me, that’s where opinion comes in. Perception is different because it can change based on someone else’s argument being reasonable to get you to take a second look at it. And even if overall you might be correct, you’re open enough to realize that you might not have communicated your message properly, and you might also realize you’re wrong because it’s something you hadn’t considered. When it’s our opinion, often we’re reluctant to change it on principle.
I think the discussion amongst the young people was enlightening, and I’m glad that they were able to have the discussion without it turning into a witch burning, if you know what I mean. I’m not sure if young people from my generation could have had that kind of discussion in public.
Thanks for sharing and for the kind words about my blogs. Only 3 more to discover! lol
During the time I have been on positions to take serious decisions, I have always put a lot of self critics first and after that emphasize the potential problem before it happen. It is like to know that your child will fall after 30sec because it is climbing on a tree. Well, I am not quite sure that I have always use the right approach, but I always name the problem and person from where this problem comes, sometimes the boss get mad and say you are pointing finger, but I personally think this is better way, same like you are at school and your age getting a bad mark on your homework. Most of my work is based on feeling and prediction, this is well backed up by nearly 14 years of practice. For sure nobody’s perfect, but I think every idea can work quite well with the right perception and serious approach.
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Carl, intuition is always a big deal, and when people show they have good intuition things usually get fixed pretty quickly.
Definitely, Mitch. I think we are on a stage of evolution when “hardwired brain” isn’t enough and subjective and objective thinking need to expand a bit more.