When Employees Don’t Get Along, Blame Leadership
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Jan 5, 2016
I have a friend who recently started working at a new place. After she'd been there a few weeks I asked her how she liked the new job.
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She said she was struggling because of the overall demeanor of the people who worked in her department. They were always talking nasty to each other, very little courtesy, and when those particular people weren't in the office everyone else starts talking about them in the worst way possible. Even though she'd only been there a few weeks, she had the feeling that they were saying all sorts of nasty things about her also, and she was distressed by that.
The best I could tell her was that it didn't matter what others said to her if management didn't believe what others were saying, and that the only person she could control was herself. However, when we parted, I started thinking "Sigh, another workplace with bad leadership."
Why blame leadership? I'm one of those people who believes a company's culture comes from its leaders, and often funnels down from the top levels. If there's a director of a department who allows that sort of thing to go on, it's either because they encourage it or ignore it out of weakness. I won't say fear because it's possible they're clueless about what to do, but that's still a sign of bad leadership.
What they seem to miss is that they could be setting themselves up for a harassment violation. The Workplace Bullying Institute defines workplace bullying as:
repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators. It is abusive conduct that is :
* Threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, or
* Work interference — sabotage — which prevents work from getting done, or
* Verbal abuse
This is 2016, and leadership deciding that one member of the team "can't take it" isn't going to get them off if there's a suit filed against the organization. True leaders would do something to stop this kind of harassment because, other than the 1973 Oakland A's, team members who don't get along usually don't coalesce into a winning or efficient team.
If it were up to me as a director there are some things I'd do to change the culture:
1. Immediately ban all talk about other employees during the work hours in the department. I'd make it part of the conditions of their job and a part of their job review, which would be a monthly process.
2. Tell each person that if they have a problem with someone to talk to them about it, courteously, and if they needed me to intercede that I would... but that it wouldn't necessarily mean I agree with their side of things.
3. Set up a process of communication where everyone would know what was going on with the department and could air their concerns in the open, as long as none of them were with a specific person.
4. Set up a team building process of some sort just to get things moving in a more positive direction.
5. Become a bigger presence in the office for a while (even if I had supervisors to handle that part) so everyone would know I wasn't kidding.
Truthfully, I expect employees to talk about each other; it's just what people do. However, I wouldn't allow it during work hours; that's when I need my team to act like a team and produce like a team, even if they're each individuals with their own goals. If they can't contribute to the team, which means they can't contribute to the department... they can always be replaced.
Sometimes leaders have to be ready to use that last option, no matter how good an employee might be. It's never about the individual at that point; it's about the team.
This is how I'd do things. Let me know your thoughts on this.
I really enjoyed this article. I am a retired business office manager in a four-doctor clinic. I ran across this very issue. I especially enjoyed that you added the definition of abusive conduct. I would have added that to the hiring process if I had thought about it. I did feel, and still do, that behavior absolutely comes down from the top. Thank you for this.
Thanks for your comment Lonnie. I always figure that if we have to work together we might as well be courteous to each other, even if we’re not totally enamored of each other. Leadership either establishes or allows behaviors at work, so ultimately they have to be the ones to decide how people get along in the workplace.
I read this with interest, as I’m just about to take over as Director, managing a small team of people. However, the current out-going Director is a big part of the problem, and isn’t an effective leader. She and another colleague are constantly turning work issues into personal comments, making a toxic office atmosphere. Unfortunately, the current boss has given herself a part-time role (with a pay cut) when I take over, so I’m still going to have to manage them both. Any suggestions, please?
If the current leader is stepping down from the leadership perch then you treat her as you would all the other employees; that’s what she’s signing on for. I had one of those employees when I was made director over two hospitals years ago. She’d been the director and was then made a project manager, even though the other hospital didn’t have any projects they were working on. I lead my way; lucky, my way is about inclusion and performance so it was easy for everyone who stayed to morph into quite well. Go ahead and take charge; that’s why they gave you the job! 🙂
I’be been in an environment such as this one, my first year out of college. From 22 to 23 I interned in an environment that wasn’t necessarily conducive to my growth in any way. I actually began to pattern the negative behaviors and that wasn’t me. My untimely removal may have actually been the best thing for me. In all, Mannagers,Bosses,&Leaders all differ particularly on how we choose to describe them I now make it a point at 23 to have upper management define there job culture during interviews as a positive spirited environment is a requirement for me.
That’s brilliant Bianca! Overall I’ve been lucky to never have to deal with that kind of thing overall, but when I’ve gone into interim assignments I’ll usually ask questions about the department and the employees in general; it helps to know what you’re heading into, although since I go in either as the leader or as an independent, it makes life a bit easier. I always say the only time an employee has any power is during the interview, even if they don’t always acknowledge it, so your strategy is a good one.
I’m writing this anonymously due to feared retaliation by my former employer which is among the wealthiest colleges globally.
I lost my job this past summer due to ongoing bullying and sexual harassment by two fellow employees, one a peer and other a director.
The story is complicated and disturbing, too much detail to share on this post but please believe me, everything that happened to me leading up to my unwarranted dismissal (not termination, instead a forced resignation), is true.
I learned through two junior HR recruiters that the office I was currently working on was highly toxic and to get transferred asap. This was 5+ years in the second department. I was laid off during WS economic hijack (due to bad investments losses were $3 billion at this college), and the “silent†layoff effected thousands. After 2 years, I went back to a different department much worse, but needed the job.
The problem is this — managers either don’t want to manage or enjoy the drama and “sibling rivalryâ€â€” lots of dysfunctional people (some with addictions and mental illness), who are connected due to political affiliations and decades of nepotism spanning 30+ years of each family member. It’s as bad as municipalities where “hacks†rule the asylum. A lot of these offices are incestuous, unprofessional and downright scary.
When intoxicated and hung over employees are allowed to remain in these jobs, disrupting good workers like myself and others, what do you think happens to morale?
I reported the treatment to the internal hr officer but paid dearly for my exposing what was long overdue. The female director was much like Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada (no exaggeration). The female coworker could be compared to a character from M*B Wives and JerseyShore. She would use foul language and veiled threats to try to control me while sabotaging my work and 25+ good standing career. I transferred out only to be systematically forced out with their clever tactics of more work sabotage and claims if poor work performance. I contemplated suicide one morning while crossing a busy street with heavy trucks, due to severe depression which eventually landed me in the ER as I thought I was suffering a stroke.
The director who was sexually harassing me has been getting away with it for years, I later found out from another woman who shared her experience.
Although I sought help from the ombudsman and transferred out, they still got me fired due to their fear of future litigation due to my reporting the bullying behaviors by fellow coworker and directors. They managed to fire the Devil Wears Prada director but the female coworker who forced out 4 workers in all that I know of, she got a promotion and taking lots of free sick time for surgeries she’s neglected for years. The sexual harasser remains. All have been forced to retire yet they all managed to hang on too long, two remain and get rewarded for bad behavior. In my case, I can’t find a job and the severance I fought for my 11 years of dedication and hardwork was outrageously insignificant along with my small pension and stolen healthcare benefit. I still have 11 years to go. I’m told by professionals in-the-know, that they get rid of older workers so they can hire young and pay them much less. But also, in my case, the woman I was hired to replace in the transfer never really retired, she did on paper but is back working half time. The Ombudsman said there was a trend happening with those who refused to retire. Some even come back as consults, all while the federal government supplies grants and visas….. now we know why there is a movement to claw back that funding.
To summarize- it’s filled with degenerates who would never make it in the private sector— narcissists, ego maniacs and the mentally impaired. Think twice before sending your children to those so called “highly regarded institutions of higher learningâ€. They just might lose a piece of their soul there-as I have.
Legislators must pass this law. These corporations are destroying many lives with their back room lawyering and it serves only to send a clear messsge that they encourage bullying by those who ruin working relationships. It also increases costs in healthcare as I have to see a therapist sometimes twice a week in order to prevent being paralyzed by anxiety and depression. Especially difficult during the holidays. You truly learn who your friends are during dark times. I keep telling myself …. one door closed, another will open. I wish I could share my story so millions would hear… but the media has failed us as well. Just think how many more of us continue to suffer in silence are forced to feel shame while we did nothing wrong. We were protecting our jobs and our reputations. What’s the point of being honest and hardworking when doing the right things is regarded as weakness and going against what is the unspoken rule?
Greetings Jane,
Sorry you’ve gone through stuff like this. It shows horrific leadership alive and well, even in academia.
I have to admit that I’m one of those people who’s never worried about retaliation when I was telling the truth. I might not have always named names, but I’ll certainly tell my story and never worry about the consequences; and I’m self employed, which means I should worry about what potential clients might think.
With that said, I hope you’ve moved on to something else that feels and works better for you. In this day and age, as more women are coming forward with truths about former problems with men in lofty positions, I hope one day you feel comforted enough to not only tell your truth but not be worried about the consequences. At the same time, if that’s not how you roll, I hope you’re comfortable with the choices you’ve made for yourself since then. Good luck.