I don’t like getting into people’s love lives. Sometimes when you’re coaching someone, you’re led that way and you just can’t avoid it completely. I always hope that whenever I do have to get into it that I offer some advice that helps without getting into it too much.

I remember one time I was having a conversation with a woman I was working with when the topic moved to problems she was having in a relatively new relationship. She was saying how the person sometimes canceled at the last minute without giving an explanation and at other times would say something off the cuff that would upset her, yet he seemed to miss the fact that it hurt her feelings. Those conversations were always on the phone, she said, because when they did get together it was always nice and there were never any problems.

Since she’d dragged me into it I asked her if I had ever treated her badly. She said no, I was wonderful. I asked if I had ever canceled an appointment with her without explanation, and she said I had never canceled an appointment with her at all. I asked her if I had ever spoken to her with anything less than respect, and she said no. Then I asked her why she would accept anything less from someone who she was supposed to be having a relationship with than someone who’s never treated her with anything but respect. She was silent, then she said “you’re right.”

I always wonder why people put up with things from those they love than they will with people they work with or just associate with. Sure, at a certain point couples will say things to each other that they wouldn’t outside the house because there are real life issues to deal with. However, what you’ll find is that most of the time couples that have big problems while married had those same problems before getting married, but they just ignored it because they believed those things wouldn’t happen if they got married. Truth be told, unless something catastrophic happens, no one gets better as time goes on, so if you’re having problems with someone you’re dating early on, you can expect that to continue, if not get worse.

How does that relate to business? In business, there are a lot of bad managers. Left alone, they will always remain bad managers and never move forward in their interactions with employees. If those who hire these managers don’t pay attention, things will consistently get worse, as good employees leave and the performance of other employees suffers.

Managers can get help to learn how to be better. And it doesn’t have to be left up to them to get this help. In couples, it could be hard getting one or the other to show up for counseling. If you’re the person responsible for the behavior of a manager, it’s your responsibility to help make that person become the best manager they can be.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect; sometimes, you have to force people to learn how to do it.