The Lost Art Of Negotiation, Part One
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Feb 23, 2011
There's an interesting uprising going on in Wisconsin these days. The state is having money problems, like every other state, and the governor of the state is ready to take some moves that may or may not be legal. Of course the people against it aren't happy and there are daily protests occurring, sometimes a little violent, and on the surface it seems a lot like what was going on in Egypt only a couple of weeks ago.
It seems that the art of negotiation has been lost. People these days do a lot of yelling at each other, but few will find ways to discuss the differences and then see where the best solutions might be. It's too bad, but there is one main reason this is happening.
The main reason is because there's a major lack of trust between parties. And I have to say that it's usually the party that believes it has all the power that causes these problems. Why do I say that? Let's take a look at this.
First, who sets the rules?
Second, who controls the money most of the time?
Three, who has the option of deciding to discuss options with true faith or be deceitful in those negotiations?
Here's my point of view, and I believe it should carry into all businesses. We treat adults as adults. This means that if you promise or agree to something as the person in the leadership position, you stick to the promise and that's that. Even if you take over for someone else, if there was something negotiated you don't have the right to walk in and take it away.
You also don't make promises you don't intend to keep, or don't believe anyone else could possibly keep once you're gone. A few years ago our outgoing mayor made a promise that if we allowed our police department to consolidate with the county police that we'd all see a tax break on our property taxes. The next year, with a different mayor in his place, our taxes went up almost 10%. It seems that the outgoing mayor and the incoming mayor knew about this budget shortfall, and that something was probably going to have to be done, and yet it wasn't until we were hit with the increase that we knew we'd been lied to.
And finally, if you're in the position of authority, you don't negotiate with the intention of putting one over on others. My classic example is offering up merit raises based on evaluations of employees. That's one of the oldest tricks in the world, and employees fall for it every time and end up getting burned on the back end. When employers negotiate in bad faith, and the employees become aware of it, they will never trust a single word you say again.
How should interested parties negotiate? We'll cover that in the next post.
I believe that we all have a need to be heard and have our views validated. It doesn’t mean we have to agree but at least show respect for each other. One of my daughters, who is engaged to be married, recently told me about a conversation she had with her fiance to discuss some issues that they were having. They agreed to allow the other the courtesy of sharing their views and feelings without interruption. She said the result was immediate, as they were better able to understand the other’s side and motivation behind certain behaviors and actions. They were also able to laugh with each other during the process and decided to make it a weekly goal to make time to have similar oppotunities for giving each other the gift of being heard.
Tele, you point out a great example of how great negotiations can be, and how fair at the same time. Yes, they can be difficult at times, and every once in awhile there might not be a way to solve the issue, but at least it deserves to be looked at and attempted. Thanks for sharing your daughter’s story.
Negotiation is sometimes not even taken into account.
People often have the feeling that they have the right to pursue their objectives with the strongest will, without caring for any principle or ethics.
In Italy the lack of trust between parties is total, and justified in most cases. They don’t really negotiate anymore, and they aim to disrupt what the others have been doing over the previous years when there’s a switch. Kinda sad.
Do you live in Italy, Gabriele? I’d have to agree with your main statement about people not caring for principle or ethics. It seems to be “win at all costs”, and sometimes it backfires.
Yes Mitch, born and raised here.
I like to win, but we all (should) have our limits.