Can Self Help Really Help?
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Aug 11, 2012
I was reading an article written by a guy named Peter Vadja titled Is Self-Help Helping. His basic premise is that no self help books ever help anyone because for true change to occur, one has to dig deeper than any book can get you to do, thus you're doomed to failure most of the time.
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I hate calling out books like that when their intention is to help people out. Sure, there are some books that are just garbage, and if Peter had decided to pick one book in particular I might have either agreed or disagreed with that book in its own right. But calling out the entire industry; no way.
To me, when someone does that there's an ulterior motive. It's either hate for the entire industry, which I've seen a lot of people have, or it's an interesting sales technique that says the only real way to get help is by going to someone else for it.
As a consultant, one would think that's how I should think, and in some things I would agree that having someone to work with you can be a great benefit.
And yet, I'd have to say that over the years there are a plethora of books I've read that I feel have given me perspective and helped me to a degree. For instance, the book Get Clients Now by C. J. Hayden has been invaluable as a resource for those times when I need to concentrate on getting projects completed in a certain amount of time. Then there's the Millionaire Maker by Loral Langemeier, which has helped me stay focused on my self employment and the work it takes to remain independent. Of course there's the DVD The Secret, which boosts my morale and helps me remember not to give up whenever I need something to get rid of a bad mood.
Obviously this lets you know that I believe self help books do help. I also believe that anything positive helps. What doesn't work is if a person isn't ready for the message. The first time I read the book Illusions by Richard Bach it meant nothing to me at all, even though a friend of mine gave it to me because it had always inspired him. A couple of years later I read the book and got a totally different feeling from it, thinking it was a wonderful book.
That's the thing about self help, motivation, positive feelings or anything else you can think of. If it's not a text book or a book giving you specific directions on things you just might not be ready for it. And even if you are ready for it, you might need it to be reinforced a few times before you truly embrace it into your being. As Zig Ziglar says, 'Sure, you might need to be motivated many times, but you also need to eat and bathe all the time, two things I highly recommend."
Where do you stand on the self help / motivational books and tapes thing? You know where I stand now.
In addition, self-help books can help you through critical situations. See The Critical Lesson I Learned From Jack Benny http://www.tommcmahon.net/2005/06/the_critical_le.html
Thanks for that Tom. I was always a Jack Benny fan and that’s a terrific story.
Hey Mitch, I think self-help is a business just like any other service.
There are people looking to profit off your ineptness.
If you need help in a certain area it is always best to work it out for yourself rather than giving some undeserving self-guru the credit for helping you from despair.
You learn what triggers you vices and you learn how to cope.
I would disagree with that Michael. Not everyone is equipped to work things out for themselves without some help, and sometimes advice like yours keeps people from looking for help at all. I never discourage anyone from finding help or motivation from another source.
Mitch I respect you disagreeing, I feel like if people need help seek motivation from others but it does not have to cost you money.
My main point is some self help gurus know that people are looking for someone to correct a problem that may not really be as serious as they make it out to be.
So, I dislike it when people try to profit off your self hate.
It is like telling a healthy person they are over weight just to sell them a pill to lose weight.
Your family and friends can do for free what we pay hundreds or thousands of dollars to a salesman with a pitch.
Mitch I read your response again, it seems like we are saying pretty much the same thing, but I believe you thought I was saying with no help.
On the contrary, I have a problem with gurus collecting money for something your family or friends can help you through.
Of course if it is a drug, mental, or some serious problem you should seek professional help.
Hi Michael. Thought I’d respond to both comments in the same message back to you; easier this way. 🙂
I don’t have any hatred for self help gurus. There are a lot of people who achieve great things after talking to some of these folks or reading some of their books and using their products. Is some of it junk and garbage? Absolutely. And yet, as someone who’s gotten a lot of help in formulating thoughts from such books I’d hate to have anyone telling me I wasted my time and money on it all. It’s certainly not encouraging unless I, or others, hurt themselves by following advice that was detrimental to their lives. Also, as someone who’s written a couple of books to help people, it would be like saying I was one of those folks who wrote something fake that won’t help anyone out, and I’d assume it means you’d never consider writing a book either. Do you see what I mean?
Family can’t always help; actually, many times family and friends are a major deterrent to one’s dreams because they tend to believe most people should conform and play it safe. Those who grow and have great success aren’t people who conform to the norm; they spread their wings and go for it, as I did when I went into business for myself 11 years ago. I’ve grown and fallen but I feel I’m a more complete person for it. And when I need a boost I’m not going to my wife or friends because they haven’t done any of it so what could they offer?
If you’re depressed, yes, maybe friends and family will help a great deal. But when you need something else… I’m just saying. 🙂
Personally, self-help, motivational, and inspirational books don’t work for me. But it’s just me and my preference on where and how I get through with life, among other things. Although I won’t say we don’t need them because I agree with what you said, there are people who go into them to work things out.
Allison, everything doesn’t work for everyone. I’ve written on this blog that everyone has a time when they’re ready for something; heck, I wrote it in this post. lol I used to say the same things as you, and I wasn’t ready for that kind of stuff. Then I came to a time when I was ready for some of them, and they worked well for me. I might have another period where I’m not in the mood again; who knows. Still, it’s nice knowing I have them out there if I need them.
I think that most people read self-help books after things goes wrong and already know of feel that there is a mistake somewhere. I think it depends on the person, can’t say that it works or it isn’t, it is the same like any form of education.
That could be true Carl, and it does depend on the person. To my way of thinking, if it makes me contemplate things and start working towards being better in some fashion, it’s done its job.
I am not religious, but we have a quote in my home country, probably there is something similar or the same in the States. We say “Help yourself and God will help you”. I guess this sentence is written at least a thousand years ago, so even if there is or isn’t some power above us, we are on our own in most cases and we have to take responsibility for our own life.
Carl, people helping themselves can manifest itself in different ways. I think people who read self help books are helping themselves, and people who call for coaching and counseling are doing the same thing.
The power of self-developing lays deep inside one’s subconsciousness. But the way to get in there and use all the inborn resources is often closed due to miss-conceptions, poor education or bad social influence. Here comes the role of the good writings, books, ideas that are written by talented authors: they are lighting the way to your deep environment, just to find the door, after that is again your inside power to fulfill the mission.
So, I like good books that light my way to undiscovered treasures.
Thanks for your comment Saru. I’d agree that change is within all of us, and there are many ways one can help themselves.
I can think of maybe two “motivational” or “self-help” books that have actually helped me, but for the most part, no.
What Michael Belk said in his comment really resonates with me: “I dislike it when people try to profit off your self hate.”
Maybe the reason most self-help books don’t help me is that I have no self-hate. I’m not puffed up with arrogant self-love, just comfy in my own skin and reasonably happy most of the time. When that’s (temporarily) untrue, I recognize that there is no “one size fits all” solution to my specific problems, and that my problems ARE specific, not just some general malaise that’s going to get better by reading a book. I’d rather escape into a good novel for a few hours.
Maybe my upbringing and education have already given me good tools to deal with any issues in my life. The “exceptions” I mentioned in the first paragraph had to do with situations I didn’t even have a name for. The “help” came in the form of naming the problem and showing that it wasn’t just me. Armed with THAT knowledge, I didn’t need self-help books to improve the situation.
On the other hand, I know people who swear by motivational and self-help books. And there’s NOTHING wrong with that. I no longer get much out of basic “how to write” books, but many writers do! Then again, there are people who think that all you have to do is READ the books, and you are magically helped, improved, and ready to face the lions. That’s not how it works. It’s all in what you do with the stuff you read, isn’t it?
Great comment as always Holly. There are easily lots of junk books out there. But there are a lot of good books as well. I’m broadening the scope of self help books into books on management and motivation, especially business and wealth motivation. Reading those kinds of books help me because it reminds me when I’m down that bad things can be overcome. After all, everyone has a story, and I certainly have mine. And I find that sometimes when I’m reading a book on a topic I know pretty well (speed reading can be your friend) I’ll pick up a nugget where I’ll say “Hmmm, hadn’t thought of it like that”, and that helps as well.
That’s why I’m not down on the self help thing across the board. There will be people who get something out of those types of books, even if they don’t actually act on the advice. But if they did, they’d get the help and all would be right with the world! 🙂
I have read a lot self-help books, one of my favorite is a small book called Nothing Is Impossible.
My take on these books is that they can help you only if you want to help yourself. Most of these books can really excite, motivate, or even make you jump off your feet and chase your dream!
But after you put down the book, are you still motivated? Are you still fired up? Maybe, a couple of days… weeks… months… or until the first rejection that comes along.
See? It’s not all about the books. I guess that’s why they are called self-help, because you have to a lot of your self in there to make it work for you — focus, dedication, resilience, and even stubbornness.
I am working on those myself 😉
Great stuff Roy, and your take is my take on it. If it inspires you then it’s good, no matter whether you actually end up acting on it or not. But it works better if you try some of the things you read.
I would stand mid way. Though earlier I used to be the total anit-self help books; I have met people who have found others stories as inspiring and have motivated them to bring the change they want to see. As I see it, books which promise to change things overnight for you are ones that should be done away with.
Books that aim at inspiring you as in where the author shares somethings about how they got about bringing the change might actually be helpful to quite some extent.
The bigger thing to be kept in mind is how people are approaching it. If they believe buying a book will change their lives overnight; then they are in for a bad deal!
Good point Hajra. The thing is that there’s no way to define “self help” into a small niche. So many books could be classified that way, and even the most hardened critic will probably pick one up, read it, get something out of it and not even think that the book they got was a self help book. That’s why my mind is so open to it.
I’m of the opinion that making blanket statements against any idea, persons or industry is never the proper thing to do.
In regards to self help, there may be times when a person feels he can not turn to family or friends for guidance. Perhaps the only place he can get it is from a self help manual and I don’t have a problem if someone get’s paid for providing that service
Same with me Sire. Any time someone can find something that improves their lot in life, it’s all good.
I agree with Sire. The phrase “no self help books EVER help anyone” — the word ‘ever’ is just too strong and I doubt that’s accurate either. ‘Self-help’ books are useful only if the readers can gain something positive out of it, and sometimes people do need that guidance. However the results may vary from one person to another, it all depends on individuals.
Thanks Ching Ya. Nothing helps if one isn’t willing to help themselves, right? But many people do apply themselves to something like this, and thus it explains why there are so many books like these out on the market.
I’ve been reading self help books for almost four decades. First few authors were Wayne Dyer and Norman Vincent Peale.
For me, I’m looking for one golden nugget from each read that becomes part of who I am. So, I’m a work in progress.
The best reads, tools, etc. are the ones that feed the subconscious.
Great stuff Steve, and I like how you put that. I’ve read lots of books myself in the area of business motivation and I’ve gotten good stuff from all of them. I apply things here and there as well, but most of it is mental, which is equally as important from where I sit.