I spend a lot of time telling people that they need to have trust and faith in themselves if they want to succeed in life. I also tell people that if they believe in themselves then it doesn't matter what anyone else has to say; go out and give it a shot.

While I still believe that, I feel the need to temper it a little bit because sometimes things aren't that cut and dry. Everyone doesn't have the proper judgment in determining whether or not what they're doing is legitimate and reachable. If you're doing things that are detrimental to your betterment, or in no way truly reachable, no matter what it is, then it's probably time to listen to what others are saying.

How can you make that determination? Here are 5 things to think about if you hear it from the mouths of others.

1. What you're trying to do is impossible.

If you go into business for yourself you might have a lot of doubters, and those are easy to ignore. However, in life there are some things that just aren't going to happen, no matter how much work you put into it.

If you're 45 years of age and you tell someone that you're going to start working out to get into shape so you can be the starting center for the New York Knicks, but you're never worked out before, never played basketball, and you're only 5'7", and everyone you know is telling you it's impossible, that might be a case for evaluating what you're thinking about doing.

If you decide at 55 that you want to be a concert pianist and travel around the world playing with symphonies but you've never taken a single piano lesson, nor shown any musical aptitude, you're going to waste a lot of money and sweat equity for no legitimate reason.

The reality is that everyone can't do any and everything because there are some limitations that are impossible to overcome. Real judgment comes in knowing what you can realistically do with the talent you have.

2. You have a negative attitude.

Sometimes supervisors will say something like this to an employee, and if it's based on limited exposure it's a terrible thing to say to anyone. If your friends and family have jumped on the same bandwagon, it might be time for some self analysis to figure out what's going on in your life that's making you negative, or how you're coming across to people that you might have to change.

Folks who aren't used to people from New York City sometimes see them as aggressive, but if where they live sees it as the norm, then they're fine. The same is often said about many black women who have "the nerve" to express themselves, having to deal with the angry black women moniker (a word of warning; don't use this line... ever!).

But if friends and family are saying the same thing to you on a regular basis, then a major attitude shift is in order. Those close to you generally want to help you out.

3. You're too direct with people.


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There are a lot of people who feel they have the right to tell someone about themselves, even if it's not their business. They call it being honest. However, you can usually count on two things.

One, if you do it back to them they won't like it; there isn't a single person that likes brutal honesty, even if they tell you that's what they want. Two, how something is communicated towards another person will determine long term performance, even if it works in the present. If you're ready for negative consequences then you be you; if you're not, be better.

There are a lot of people who say they're against politically correct speech; notice those same people are always apologizing for what they've said? Lately we've had BBQ Becky, Permit Patty and Pool Patrol Paula causing, and then receiving a lot of grief for their words and action. There's a difference between telling the truth while communicating positively and being brutally honest and insensitive... and stupid. It's a skill many managers never learn, and then wonder why they can't get anyone to work well for them.

4. Doing what everyone else has already done in the same exact way and failing just like they did.

People tend to let history repeat itself because they don't learn from the lessons of others. There are times I've gone into an office and said I wanted to do something, and I'll hear "we already tried that." When I ask further questions, eventually someone will say "well, no, we didn't do it quite like that."

That's a different response than "yes, we did it exactly the same way, and we have documentation to prove it." Doing something similar but in a different way is smart; failing because you didn't believe everyone else who told you that was the wrong way to go because they already failed at it is moronic. I know this because I've been the moron a couple of times here and there. lol

5. Thinking it's always supposed to be about you.

Everyone should think about themselves and love themselves and all of that. At the same time, you don't only do things because they benefit you.

If you make an appointment with someone then cancel at the last minute when you knew about this other thing all along, and people call you on it, that's bad. If you're someone who's always late because it's apparent you could care less about anyone else's feeling and only care about how it impacts you, that's bad. If you're always cutting people off, or never finish listening to what someone is telling you because you just have to jump in and say something that's suddenly on your mind, that's bad.

If people are telling you about this behavior on a consistent basis, take stock of yourself. If you're putting off the people who'll tell you, then you're probably putting off the people who won't tell you. Later you'll be wondering why some people won't talk to you anymore or won't do business with you.

Think about those five things and see if any of them relate to you, or someone you know. Then tell me if you agree or not.