How Do You Calm Down?
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Mar 25, 2011
When I was young, I had a pretty quick temper. It didn't take much to get me mad to the point where I wanted to fight someone. Lucky for me, I had learned one major lesson from my dad; never hit anyone first. So I'd shake and I'd threaten but it rarely got physical unless someone actually did hit me first, which happened a few times. I wasn't a big kid, but I was fast, and as mad as I got, as soon as I'd hit someone back a few times I suddenly wasn't mad anymore. Of course, once I was a big kid no one ever threw the first punch; thank goodness.
As adults, we don't get to throw punches at others without consequences. We also don't have the luxury of going around breaking things because eventually someone has to pay for it, and it'll probably be you. Nope, getting that angry as an adult will cause grief that no one wants to have.
This means that trying to find ways to calm oneself down is imperative to everyone's good health. However, we also have to acknowledge that not every situation can be eased off all that quickly. I have had events that have angered me that I've carried with me for weeks; that's never good. I've also had flashes of anger that I've been able to get out of my system almost immediately. This shows that anger isn't always triggered by the same stimulus, and thus maybe a one stop solution for every situation isn't available.
I find that there are different ways I can calm down. One thing I can do is go for a walk; sometimes it's a very long walk. This satisfies the physical part of anger, when maybe your thought is to hit something. Trust me, it's much better than punching a wall; I haven't punched a wall since I was 19 but I've known people that have broken hands or feet expressing their anger incorrectly.
Another thing one can do is find someone to talk to about the issue. If you have that close friend or confidant that you can talk to and have them just listen for awhile it can help you blow off steam and sometimes figure out what it was that made you mad, although most people already know what made them mad whether they want to acknowledge it or not.
The best thing I've found is to express my feelings through either writing about it or recording a video. Sometimes one has to do both, as I did on my other blog when I carried something on my mind a couple of weeks regarding an off-putting comment someone made to me about writing. I probably should have written about it much sooner because as soon as I finished the video and my article it was off my mind and gone almost forever; after all, I did have a blog post about it.
It's imperative that we all find those things that can help us control our anger in the safest way possible. Locally we've seen examples recently of some people who relieved their anger inappropriately, exhibited road rage, and are going to jail because someone they didn't know ended up being killed. There are also sometimes stories of people taking their rage out at work in some fashion; that's never good either. We must all work on our self control. And when we have problems with that, we have to learn how to decompress and calm down as soon as possible.
Do you have special techniques you use to calm down?
Music.
When I need to chill out after some confrontation, I turn to gentle music. I’m particularly fond of acoustic guitar and classical piano. Some light jazz does well also. Anything that promotes a feeling of calmness.
Focusing on the music helps me turn loose of my antagonist (so they can crawl away) and allows me to move past the violent emotions. Fortunately, I don’t need this very much any more.
Allan, music is a great idea. However, for me I find that if I’m already listening to music I don’t get as angry as I might if I’m not listening to it, and at that point it’s hard for music to help me calm. Now, when I’m upset otherwise music works wonders.
I love to walk, so if the weather is accommodating, I will do that.
Meditating is a new one I’m doing…there is a quick breathing thing I do if I’m really upset or having an anxiety attack (of sorts…)This can be done anywhere…even the car!
Breath in, in, in to the count of 4, hold for count of 4, breathe out to the count of 4, breathe normal for 4….do over a few times…I do 4!
And of course, there’s Journal Writing. I have tons of journaling exercises that can be used in different circumstances.
Combine walking, meditating and Journal Writing and Watch out World….I’m feeling better and here I come!
Walking is a good one, Carolee, but sometimes I have to walk a long time. lol That breathing thing I never got down; Tony Robbins talked about it in one of his presentations but it just seemed silly to me.
It may sound a little cliche, but I try to calm down by focusing on my breathing. I’ll take a few deep breaths and try to separate myself from the situation. It may not absolve my anger completely, but it sort of takes my mind off of things for the moment and let’s me reset myself. Then I try to deal with the anger with a clearer head.
That’s pretty smart, Keith. Actually, I probably need to learn the breathing technique a bit more.