On Steve Pavlina’s blog, he wrote a very interesting post called How To Be A Man. He’s someone who doesn’t accept comments, but instead has people who, when they have comments on his post, end up writing about his posts and has it ping back to him. So, we’ll go along with that for now.

Anyway, he gave his top ten ways to be a man, or rather to consciously be a man. Some of them are pretty good, but a few of them are, well, somewhat controversial. For instance, I immediately have a problem with number two on his list, or, rather, the first paragraph under number two. The heading is Put your relationships second, and his first paragraph is:

A man who claims his #1 commitment in life is his relationship partner (or his family) is either too dishonest or too weak to be trusted. His loyalties are misplaced. A man who values individuals above his own integrity is a wretch, not a free thinker.

It’s an odd statement at this point in time, where the concept of men being allowed to not only show their emotions, but being encouraged to take care of their families, is promoted quite strongly. I understand his point, that being that one needs to take care of themselves before they can take care of anyone else, but putting it the way he does is a bit strong and negative. I believe it was something my dad called “honor”, something that a lot of people people might call “responsibility”. With a statement like that, it’s almost like he’s saying to not save your child or spouse if you can’t save yourself first. I’m not quite sure how much I like that concept overall.

Number six is also an interesting statement based on the first paragraph. The title is Re-channel sex energy, and the first paragraph is:

A man doesn’t hide his sexuality. If others shrink from him because he’s too masculine, he allows them to have their reaction. There’s no need for him to lower his energy just to avoid frightening the timid. A man accepts the consequences of being male; he makes no apologies for his nature.

There’s more he writes after this, and once again it’s disturbing, though, and I’m not quite sure where he’s going with it. I like that he adds A man is careful not to allow his energy to get stuck at the level of lust, and that he talks about channeling one’s energy into other things, but I’m not sure most people would figure this one out, or figure out how to do it properly. Gone are the days where the biggest and baddest becomes the leader, and I’m not sure I’d like to go back to those days. There is something to the concept of “being a man,” something uttered often in my youth while living on military bases, but there’s also something about the concept of “being true to oneself”. Frankly, I’m not depressed at all that the truly biggest and strongest amongst us are able to show a lot of restraint; we might be building more jails otherwise.

I’m leaving the rest of them alone, and asking that you think about following the link to his page to read the rest of them, which I don’t disagree with. He follows up this post with another one called How To Be A Woman, which is more of a survey than a true post, but it’s interesting also.