Black People Are Too Sensitive?
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Nov 23, 2010
Believe it or not, this is actually a customer service post, but it took an interesting turn. Let me explain.
On my other blog, I put out a post on a WordPress plugin that, unfortunately, didn't work for me. I also stated that I couldn't find any instructions on how to use it. For me, that was that; it was my review and out it went.
Within minutes I got a response on Twitter from the guy who created it. His statement was that I had changed the plugin somehow and that's why it didn't work. Thing is, I didn't change anything; I had no idea, and still don't, what any of the settings meant, and it would have been pretty stupid of me to go changing things without knowing what could happen.
He insisted I had changed things because he supposedly could see it. I said I hadn't changed anything because I had no idea what to change, or why. He persisted, I said he was basically saying I was lying about what I'd done, and figured that was that; he even said so. He also stated that he didn't have instructions, but he sent me a link to another blog where someone else had taken the time to write instructions on how to use his product.
I guess that wasn't that. He came to my blog to state his case about his plugin. At that point I didn't care about the plugin as much as his customer service response to me. I wrote this: "If a customer/client tells you they did or didn’t do something, you don’t go telling them they were incorrect; it just makes people mad. Doesn’t matter what you saw, it matters what their perception is, and trust me, sometimes it’s the truth, as is my case."
He wrote back basically that he was done talking to me about it and at that point I figured I was done with him. Instead, he decided to write me an email, and he called it "The Race Card", and said he was opening it up because black people are too sensitive about how they wanted to be treated. What the heck was that? Race jumps right into the conversation because I'm black (my image is on my site and on my Twitter profile) and I don't like how I'm being treated?
We've gone back and forth on a few emails, and at this point I'm done for many reasons.
One, he seems to care more about my writing a negative review about his product than in seeing that he crossed a very dangerous line.
Two, he's never even attempted to apologize for his statement, and said he wouldn't apologize for his statement because, and I quote, "I will be participating in what I consider the counter-productive behavior (that I wish black people in my family and friends didn't do as it's been their undoing)." I don't really even know what that statement is supposed to mean.
Three, he's not American, he's Italian, and he's calling me out for being black and being sensitive and he doesn't even live in the country?
And four, he starts telling me about black people he's talked to that have thanked him for his service and asked him to be their mentor, while at the same time telling me black people are sensitive? At least he didn't insult me with "I have black friends", but why would I care about what some other black people may or may not have said to him at this point?
In my opinion, there were four major customer service faux pas' that I see:
1. You never tell a consumer in public that they did something you have no proof that they did. Once I said I hadn't changed anything, the conversation should have gone another way, but it didn't.
2. You never go on the attack first. Unless your customer has done so first it's not the proper course of action, and even then it might not be the best way to go. Now, if you're accused of it and you don't think your words were so harsh, look at them again; you might be missing something.
3. You never, and I mean NEVER, generalize about someone and their race, or something else. Never, and especially to their face. At that point, all discussions end and accusations go flying. Just because you think you've beaten me to the punch on the call of "racism" and now want to tell me how many other black people you've talked that you've had an easier time with and how many black friends you have (no, he didn't do that) doesn't get you off the hook for grouping me in with other people. We are all individuals, and we deserve to be treated as such.
4. An apology is always a great way to diffuse things, but of course if you just need to be right for the sake of being right so be it. Was I too sensitive? I don't think so, but it's possible. Still, it's not always up to the consumer to be the one to notice when something's gone down the wrong road first. Of course, just to add to this, he did state he doesn't see me as a customer because he's not making any money off it. Everyone's a customer; thinking it only has to be about money is incorrect thinking.
Okay, your turn to share. And don't give me any "black people are sensitive" stuff, or else we'll have to battle on that one as well. 🙂
The guy is obviously an utter moron. Whatever happened to THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT
He hasn’t any people skills at all and what wanker puts out a plugin without instructions? Oh yeah, a moron probably would do that.
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Thanks for the support, Sire. It was one of the weirdest conversations I’ve ever had, I must admit.
I’ve never known you to be anything but up front and honest Mitch, and there certainly wasn’t any reason for you to misrepresent what you said to the bloke.
Thanks for that. Actually, he basically ignored me so I didn’t have anything to hide.
I agree with all your faux paus. I am glad he didn’t pull the “My mailman is black” either..lmao. It always surprises me that when no other arguments can be argued the race card is brought up. Why does it have to boil down to that of all things. I thought you handle it with waaay more class and tact then I would have. although I didn’t see what was written in the email, surely you sensitive disposition that you black folks are know for, would have came through in your responses on your blog. I saw none of that whatsoever. Dude was being a douchebag. There I said it.
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Thanks for your words, Karen. Overall I don’t think he’s a bad guy, but there’s definitely a generational difference between expectation and service, and frankly I don’t like it one bit.
Hi Mitch
I read your post on the other site and I think you handled it well. This guy got really defensive and stooped so low to say that to you. You get on fine with me and as you can see from my profile I’m white!!!
I never understand this whole racism thing. My father was brought up in a town where there were a lot of our indigenous first nation people. In fact one was his best friend; long before that was fashionable! He brought us up to treat others as we would want to be treated ourselves. It was never about race; this guy is sad. That’s my 2 cents worth.
Patricia Perth Australia
Thanks for your support, Pat. The idea to me is that customer service is a way of life if you’re providing a service to someone, and bringing race into it at any point is a bad business and personal move. At that point, all bets are off. I understand racism well, unfortunately; it’s ugly, it’s pervasive, and it’s never going away. But I’ll still be a voice working against it.
Hey Mitch,
First of all, Frederick IS an American. He might live in Italy, (he does, actually) I can assure you he’s very much an (African) American.
Second: while maybe he can (and should) apologize, customers are people who have bought something. You’re using a FREE plugin and giving him a hard time for trying to support it.
Twitter isn’t the best forum for support because of its brevity, which is probably why he went from saying that you changed something to telling you that the defaults don’t have that behavior.
Rather than letting him figure out why it’s not working for you, so you can actually fully optimize your site, you’re complaining about quality of a “service” that was never rendered: you’re simply not a client.
Lastly, email conversations are private, you of course have the right to post emails to you on your blog, but I consider it not to be chic.
Best,
Joost
Thank you for your comment, Joost. First, you mentioned a name, I didn’t. Second, no one gets to throw out a racist statement and get away with it, private or not. Third, I have a different opinion on customer service; if you feel that it only counts when things are paid for then I totally disagree with that statement. Four, you missed the rest of the conversation, so you don’t know all the other stuff he said to me. And fifth, he mentioned in one of the letters that he’d shown everyone else what he’d written and they agreed with him, so that ended any right to privacy, although, as I said, you mentioned his name, not me.
As to the rest, there seems to be a misconception of what a consumer’s role is supposed to be. It is not my role to feel insulted then allow someone to help me; that’s just not going to ever happen. There are many people who put up with that kind of thing; I’m not one of them. He looked at my picture and decided to go racial; he didn’t have the right. I’m glad he has friends to support him; we all need that. But he made a really bad impression on me, and that’s pretty much that.
I mentioned his name because in your other post you mention W3TC and it’s obvious it’s about him, I hate beating around the bush.
Mitch, I don’t think you’re getting the point. You’re not a customer, he doesn’t look at you that way and neither would I and I’ve got quite a few downloads to my name for WordPress plugins as well. We build these things for fun and as a service to the community. Frederick has done a tremendous service to the community by building W3 Total Cache because it’s allowing many many many people to have cheaper hosting for their high traffic websites, and he’s giving it away for free.
He offers paid support, in his plugin, and even though you didn’t use that, he offered to help you out!
While the racial mention is probably at least not smart, (though he is black too, seeing this I wonder what you’d say if a white guy like me would do that…), you STILL go too far by posting stuff like this and your other post.
His point was obviously to help you out and to perhaps find a bug in his plugin, if there is any, and you respond to those helpful gestures by “punishing” him with a post like this & your other post. That’s not how you’re supposed to treat people Mitch, whether they’re a “brother” or not.
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Joost, you’re missing the point; I AM a customer. If you and he don’t look at it that way I’m sorry, but that’s my belief. Everyone is a customer; if I’m working at a company with a lot of employees every person working there is a customer, not just the people buying the products. I believe that because it tempers how I interact with every person I encounter. As an independent consultant, every person I meet is a customer. Now, there are times when I “fire” customers because I know it’s just not going to work between us, and that’s okay.
Still, there are lines that must never be crossed. One never goes too far when it comes to race; I didn’t deal with certain things in my life so someone younger could come along and throw a racial thing at me. You keep saying he’s black; then he should have known better than to say it, and if he didn’t, then he’s as bad at those rappers who keep using the “N” word in their songs because they feel they’re keeping it “real”; please!
I don’t care what his point was after the fact; call me a liar in any form and the discussion is over. Just asking, but have I been overtly mean to you in anything I’ve said to you thus far, even though you’ve kind of castigated me? See, that’s how I communicate with someone overall; I treat people with respect as long as they don’t cross the line.
And you’re supporting your friend; good for you. You see it as punishing; I’m seeing it as a teachable moment.
Castigated, had to look that one up, shows you can learn something even from a discussion like this 🙂
I’m not arguing what good customer service looks like, it’s not my point.
What Frederick did is try to talk with you offline and leverage a connection he probably assumed was there. You don’t want to see it that way: fine.
I think it’s sad to see this end result in any case, as it’s a missed opportunity for both of you…
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I see your point, and if that were the case, I’d fully agree with you. However, you saw what the title of the email was; that was a part of the opening line as well. See, if I’d reached out to someone, there’s no way I’d have started in that fashion; it’s counter productive to any real conversation. And trust me, I even wrote an “out” where we could have started anew and that was eschewed and ignored as well. So I tried.
Trust me, I’m not bad at this communications game. I’ve written about it. I’ve read some pretty good books on the subject, including Crucial Conversations. I got angry quickly when I felt I was treated badly; it was apparent I was upset. Then I figured it was over, and it wasn’t. Maybe there was a missed opportunity; but I didn’t start it. I tried to end it, to give it a chance, and it was thrown back in my face. I have no kids, and my child would probably be his age, which I hate to admit to. Sensibilities have changed, but mine still remain the same. I expect to be treated as I treat people, or try to treat people. That’s all I ever ask.
And I appreciate your civility in this manner; he’s got a good supporter it would seem.
Mitch, I was reluctant to comment here for fear that it would be misconstrued as well. But I do sincerely apologize for the perpetual misunderstanding. I didn’t treat you any differently than I’d expect to be treated, nor did I treat you any differently than I treat anyone else and I (in confidence) made assumptions about a common bond.
In doing so I crossed a line which I deeply regret. Again, my sincere apologies for any misunderstanding. I was truly offering my help, but due to the terseness of Twitter and the “plainness” text of email my (at many times light-hearted) intentions evidently weren’t communicated well. I really wish we can leave this issue behind. My offer to help still stands.
Frederick, thanks for stopping by; I appreciate it and accept, and also apologize for any reactions you might feel were out of line. We can move beyond this, and I consequentially get to thank you for giving me the idea for the customer service post. 🙂
For the plugin, tell you what. I’m just packing to go out of town for Thanksgiving, but when I get a chance, to be fair, I’ll look at those instructions you sent via that link on my other blog and see if the explanations help out in any way. And I’ll let you know what happens with it all. Thanks again; take care.
Evidently you don’t understand Frederick’s points, nor what he’s trying to do. None of this is personal. The software works a certain way and rather than figure out why it didn’t for you, you want him to apologize for hurting your feelings. Did you pay Frederick and get treated this way?
As I said to Joost, Pablo, if all customer service means to you is whether I paid for something or not, then I disagree with the interpretation. Of course it was personal; you didn’t see the email. And you also mentioned his name; I didn’t If you want to know how things really are, go read my post about what happened with a local grocery store decided to get personal with a consumer. He didn’t buy anything either, and it pretty much gave that business a lot of bad press. Name one thing I wrote in this post what was factually incorrect, rather than supposition.
I just want to say it was nice of Frederick to apologize, it was a big move on his part.
In regards to being a customer, I honestly believe that it doesn’t matter if a product is free or not the person using it is a customer and as such should be treated accordingly. Sure the product may be free but it could be the precursor to a paid product and if you didn’t treat that person right in the first instant he will never become a paying customer.
Also, as in this case, it could lead to some bad publicity, whereas treated properly it could have turned out to be a huge positive.
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Great stuff, Sire. We agree with each other here, though I’ve always said that the customer isn’t always right, but is always the customer. Things can easily escalate, but history also shows that there’s always an opportunity for two parties to fix things as well.
Oh, I know there are many occasions when the customer is often wrong, but the worst thing you can do is to point that out to them. There is always a way to handle things diplomatically without pointing the finger of blame.
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Mitch,
I agree with you, Sire, and several others who commented that the exchange of money isn’t a requirement for good customer service. If I go to the library to borrow a book, I’m not paying anything (directly), but I still expect to be treated in a certain way. There’s a transaction taking place, and each side has certain rights and responsibilities.
I also agree that the other guy made a good move, showing up and apologizing. It’s amazing to see how that simple message changed the entire tone of the exchange. Very cool to witness, and instructive.
It’s too bad this experience happened in the first place, but this kind of thing is inevitable as long as human beings are dealing with each other. What’s really too bad is that most conflicts don’t get resolved as well as this one did.
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Thanks for your comments, Charles. You’re correct on all counts, and I think sometimes we all get caught up in “being right” rather than “doing the right thing”. I’m certainly not perfect, but I try to be very cognizant of how my message comes across when I’m on the non-customer side of things. If you work in hospitals, you realize quickly, if you have any sense at all, that the majority of people who come in the doors aren’t necessarily the customer, but know the customer and thus you need to prepare for their needs as much as those of the customer because they could end up being the customer some day, and you want them thinking of you as their option instead of the hospital down the street.
Very good comments and comment threads here, Mitch. A lot of support winging its way to you and you have my support too. I’m with you all the way on this one. And hey – you got an apology, that’s great.
I don’t know anything about the guy or his organisation/s though I did just look him up and yeah, he’s black so what he said to you about that makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Probably just something personal to him that worked its way up through his unconscious, who knows.
Anyway, if you get any other bother with him (which I’m sure you won’t) you can just direct him to a certain Mr Joel’s post!
You really hated that post, didn’t you Val? lol I think we’re past all the ugly stuff and are ready to move forward. Race is a dicey issue in America, even among people who supposedly come from similar backgrounds. It’s one of those things that will get my ire up fairly quickly when I see it used to hold someone else down in any manner.
Me too, Mitch. Me too.
If you haven’t already, have a look at my ‘respect’ page. I’m terribly anti-racism.
Nicely written, Val; of course I went to read it.