(originally published April 14th, 2005)

I wrote in another place a couple of days ago on the topic of anger; more specifically, not expressing anger by yelling at people.

I tend to believe that no person deserves to be yelled at; I extend that to children, although I’m going to leave that one alone, having never been a parent. However, as I keep thinking about this topic, I realize that if I don’t want people yelling at other people that I have to offer options of things they can do, and hopefully not get committed for.

For instance, it’s okay to yell in the car, but if someone’s near you they’ll think you’re nuts. It’s okay to yell in your house and garage, but usually people only yell then if they hurt themselves. It’s okay to yell during sporting events; that’s what they were made for.

But if you’re working with someone and you want to yell; nope. There are some who say you need to count to 10 before saying anything; not a problem, but please don’t count out loud. It’s okay to take a deep breath or two, but a very loud sigh will probably cause more problems than just yelling.

When I get really angry, which is a very rare event, my voice level goes down, because I want to keep as even keeled as possible. My language changes; I don’t cuss or swear, but what happens is that my language gets very formal and I start using very large words. Usually the person has no idea what I’m talking about, but that’s okay because it has its own way of changing the dynamic of a situation. In general, it’s all about changing dynamics in the long run.

No one wants to stay mad for a very long time; whether they do or not is another issue. Some people can blow up and let it go; others rant forever. I believe if you try to identify, in periods of time when you’re not angry, how you’d like someone else to speak to you and act around you if they get angry, then you’ll come to an understanding of how you need to react and treat others when you’re angry. If you’re intelligent enough to learn from yourself, you’ll be miles ahead of those who don’t seem to be ready to learn from anyone, including themselves.