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<\/p>\nOscar under control<\/b><\/center><\/p>\n
First she pleaded guilty, then retracted it, and was then convicted of more crimes than she would have been if she\u2019d stuck with her original guilty plea. Her reasoning for changing her mind was that, according to her, she didn\u2019t realize what she was doing when she picked up her baby and swung at her boyfriend; she\u2019d gotten so angry that she lost control of her mind and thoughts and just reacted. Obviously, the jury didn\u2019t care.
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\nThere seems to be more and more incidences like this occurring across the world these days, as the availability of drugs and weapons, and some of the general breakdowns in deportment, come together to create what seems like there\u2019s been a loss of common sense. Locally, we\u2019ve had shootings at our largest mall, shootings at religious facilities, and a high number of murder-suicides. When the perpetrator doesn't eliminate themselves, they always said the same thing, with only the specific words being change: \"I didn't mean to do it; I just lost control\". <\/p>\n
Truthfully, I do and don\u2019t understand this loss of control when one gets really angry. I\u2019m normally pretty steady, but I\u2019ve been known to lose my temper here and there, though I never yell or scream. I\u2019ve been known to react to stupid things physically in my very long past, but never towards anyone else... at least I stopped before it got that far. <\/p>\n
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I\u2019ve always had that kill switch that's kept me from doing something that I knew I would regret later. I always found a way to not only stop, but do something that would be more appropriate and get the point across without getting myself fired, thrown in jail, or possibly killed. Because, in today\u2019s world, one never knows who\u2019s armed and who\u2019s not. <\/p>\n
To tell on myself for a quick moment, I remember many years ago, the only time I ever almost lost total control of myself. I was a couple of days from turning 40, and stress was my friend. We were implementing a new computer system, and I was working 14 to 16 hour days. I was getting sick, with a bad cold that turned out to be strep. <\/p>\n
I was in my office because, up until that time, I had never taken a sick day, and I wasn\u2019t taking one on this day, when I had one of my employees give me some news about an event that was supposed to take place in one of my departments that I hadn\u2019t heard about. I went out, met with the people who were about to do something, and told them they weren\u2019t doing it. I had the authority to tell them no; they told me someone with a higher authority told them they had to do it. I told them it wasn\u2019t happening, and if this person had a problem with it to have him call me. <\/p>\n
This man did call me, told me it was happening, and that was that. I told him it wasn\u2019t happening because it was in a heavily used confidential area that I was in control of, that I hadn\u2019t been consulted on the project, and that I wasn\u2019t going to allow anyone to do anything in that area, at least until it got addressed in a meeting where I had an opportunity to discuss the matter. He then said something quite rude (I'm not going to say what) and hung up. <\/p>\n
I realized after a few minutes that not only was it rude, but it was a threat; I didn\u2019t like that at all. With everything that was going on, in a somewhat reduced mental capacity, I lost control. I got up from my desk and started walking towards this man\u2019s office, with the express intent to throttle him. At that moment, I didn\u2019t care what would happen to me. <\/p>\n
Although we were in the same overall complex, it took me 5 minutes to get to where he was located, and that's with me walking like I was exercising. When I got to a point within 100 feet of his office, and was looking at his office door, the other side of my brain kicked in and stopped me before I took another step. <\/p>\n
I thought about how easy it would be to hurt this man, and how it wouldn\u2019t have been a fair fight. I realized I would not only lose my job, but probably my career, of which I\u2019d invested 15 years at that juncture. I also realized that, unfortunately, I was still going to be the standard for how black people would be judged in this particular community, as my facility had merged with another facility, I'd only been over this particular department at both hospitals for a few months, and this new community had never had to deal with a minority director before (or any significant numbers of minority employees). I also knew that, even if I told the story, with the threatening words, that I wouldn\u2019t get a free pass because, unfortunately, I would have thrown the first punch. <\/p>\n
I stood in that spot for almost 5 minutes; surprised that no one showed up during that time to talk to me, or to even notice I was there. Then I walked back, and decided upon another course of action. <\/p>\n
I had calmed down, realized how I could use this situation to my advantage, and decided to go another route. I won\u2019t go into those details, but I will report that not only did I get a full apology later on in a written letter and in a full forum with other managers, most of whom didn\u2019t know what had happened, but I ended the threat to my department being uprooted, the confidentiality of our clients being endangered, and this man being demoted, and eventually dismissed, as it prompted investigations into his department, and, well, let\u2019s just say that things were going on that shouldn\u2019t have been. <\/p>\n
In Economics Of Efficiency<\/b> by Norris Brisco (published in 1914), he writes \u201closing one\u2019s temper or retaining self control is a matter of habit<\/i>\u201d. He also writes \u201cthe habit of self control is an important factor in business, and is almost a virtue in a superintendent or boss, because if he loses his temper at every trifle, it reacts upon his men and works toward inefficiency<\/i>.\u201d No one expects that a person may not get upset every once in awhile, but when you\u2019re leading others, it\u2019s imperative that those times are few, and that the way you react still maintains a modicum of control whenever possible. <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve always been proud that I\u2019ve never yelled at anyone in anger in a business situation, and, other than the one time I mention above, have never come close at any other time to losing physical control of myself. Yet, I have seen many managers who believe it\u2019s their right to get in the faces of employees, yell and berate them, and generally embarrass those employees in front of others, oftentimes for almost no real reason. Even if there was a reason to be upset, there\u2019s never a true excuse for confronting any employee improperly in a work situation. As I mentioned earlier, the consequences in today\u2019s world are indeterminable.<\/p>\n
The most important thing about controlling anger when it involves someone else is to find a way to take time to calm down, think things over, and come up with another way to deal with the problem. Try to remember that, even if many others will agree with the reason you were angry, when it comes to business and personal situations, your next action will either make you look good or look like a horrible person. Which one of these outcomes would you rather deal with?
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