Office Relationships

Her name was Michelle, and I had a major crush on her. She wasn't the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, but she had this major appeal for me. I would have done anything for her, but at a certain point, I had to forget her because I had other things that had to take precedence. It wasn't easy, but it was the right thing to do. Eventually she left, and I missed her, but it was the best thing that could have happened for me.

Odd beginning to a business newsletter; that is, unless I'm going to talk about office relationships and romances. In my particular instance, I was 24 years old, working with 59 women, and I was the only male. I didn't have a girlfriend in my life, and let's just say that there were enough attractive ladies to catch my eye, one in particular. I asked her out a few times, but she turned me down, and I respected it and didn't ask again, but I yearned from afar for her attentions. That is, until I was promoted to an assistant supervisor, and after a few months realized that I was being distracted from the job I had to do. Luckily, she wasn't in my department, but it didn't matter; I had to get my mind on the job, and I did.

Whenever you have an office full of people, especially when you have enough men and women working together, at some point there are going to be office romances. I've heard of places where there are "No Fraternization" policies in the workplace, but these are the most ridiculous and unenforceable restrictions I've ever heard of. Even the military is finding it difficult to keep people from gaining an attraction to each other, and the military has some of the strictest rules against fraternization you've ever seen.

It's hard for people who are in workplace relationships to fully concentrate on their jobs. For that matter, sometimes it's hard for those around them to concentrate. Sometimes it's because everyone else is getting in the middle of that relationship, either by asking a lot of questions or reporting on the activities of one of them. Sometimes it's because one of them is always stopping in the area where the other works, often multiple times a day.

It can cause major distractions within the office, or it can make things seem to flow better. I've seen some people with very bad dispositions suddenly become extremely nice and courteous; that's when things are going well. I've also felt the big chill throughout a facility when things aren't going so well, because when couples in the workplace aren't getting along, people start taking sides. Sometimes it feels worse than when relations are strained between unions and management.

Every now and then, a relationship develops between someone in management and a regular employee. Most of the time, this spells disaster for the department, though not always. When a manager can't find a way to separate the work from the personal life, even if the personal life is in the workplace, then things will fall apart. And most of the time, the other employees will figure it out, even if you try to keep it quiet, and when something goes wrong they're not quite sure what to do or who to go to, especially when the complaint might be about one of the participants.

So, what's to be done? Can you afford to ignore office relationships? For that matter, should you, or should you figure out ways to address them? What if you're in the relationship; how do you handle rules for yourself?

Below are some tips for how these interactions can possibly be dealt with:

1. Try to ascertain if it's rumor or not. Employees like to gossip, and quite often there's nothing going on. I remember years ago at two different places where the employees thought I was dating someone who was working for me, and it wasn't the case either time. At least they thought I had good taste.
2. If it's true, and only one of the employees is in your department, watch closely and be cognizant of how the employee is behaving. It's possible that your employee can keep work and personal relationships separate and make sure that things don't disrupt the office. If that's the case, then leave it alone because it's none of your business; yet.
3. You will need to say something if either your employee is leaving the work area all the time to go talk to the other person, or vice versa. However, who you talk to is a different matter. If your employee is leaving you have to talk to that person; if the other person is always coming into your area you have to talk to that person. It seems easier to talk to your own employee about both situations, but in that case you're absolving yourself of the responsibility of handling your department. It makes a better case if you talk to that person directly, even if you may still have to deal with your own employee having negative feelings towards you because of it. If it becomes a problem, make sure to then have a conversation with that employee.
4. If your employee's mood seems to change with the wind, you might have to have a counseling session. However, if you do, you have to address only the employee's behavior, and not the possible reasons for the behavior. One, this keeps your conversation professional, on a work level, and talking with employees about their behavior is a legitimate office concern. Two, you don't ever want to get into the position of getting into the middle of employee's relationships, though they may try to bring you into it. As a manager, you need to stay as dispassionate as possible.
5. If it's another manager and your employee, or someone you report to and your employee, you still have to address the issues, in the same way. In the workplace, the most important thing is job performance, and if you're not allowed to do your job the way it's supposed to be done, then the business isn't being served. Any qualified manager will understand this; if not, you may have to either kick it up to someone higher or, deal with it, or be ready to leave. If you're a good manager, and it's a superior who you're having the issue with, and they have any sense at all, they won't risk losing you.
6. If you're the one who's in the relationship, you have to establish with the other employee, on your own time, that work is work and personal time is personal time, and feelings can't get in the way of work. At the same time, you have to make sure that things are as normal as before, within reason. I remember a story from many years ago where an office manager and one of his employees got married, and two days after they returned to work she took an extra long lunch, he counseled her on it, and not only was she upset and quit that day but she also filed for divorce. Whereas that's on the extreme side of things, I'm sure stranger things have happened.

Workplace romance isn't the best thing to ever happen, but in today's world, where people spend more time with each other at the office, it's inevitable that it's going to happen every once in awhile. Being prepared for when it does happen could save you a lot of grief.