Moving Forward

Back in 2001, I decided I wanted to write a book on management. I first came up with an outline so I could write it in order, then I went to work on it.

I was doing fine until September 11th; that day, as it did for most Americans, messed up my mind, and it messed it up for a long time. Matter of fact, it messed up my mind so much that I couldn't write my book for just under 3 months.

What brought me back to the book was the next bad news; my dad had cancer. Suddenly, the negative I was feeling about 9/11 was replaced with kind of a positive thought: "I need to get this book done so my dad can read it".

So I started writing again, working hard, because now I had a goal. Still, as someone new to writing, I wanted some feedback from a few people, so I shared some of what I was writing with friends, and they all seemed to like it. That was encouraging, so I kept going forward.

Then one day, I happened to mention it to a guy I was playing email chess against. An older guy, retired pharmacist, he said he was an avid reader, and asked if he could read a sample of it, so I sent it to him. When he wrote back, he not only trashed what I'd written, but how I'd written it, asking if I'd ever read a nonfiction book in the process. That one came from left field, and it literally knocked the wind out of me.

I stopped doing anything, including writing, for awhile,... one hour. Then I remembered the purpose in trying to get it done, put his words out of my mind, and kept on writing. I finally finished the book in early January, did a quick edit, then sent an electronic copy to my dad. He made it through the first 60 pages or so before his health was so bad that he couldn't read anymore. The last time he was ever on a computer, he had been reading a portion of my book.

Negative thoughts can be powerful; how we respond to those negative thoughts will determine whether we move forward or stand stagnant.

As easy as it is to make that statement, it's not always easy to do. If I hadn't had something else in my mind that was more important, I might have put the book away and not gotten back to it for a long while. As it is, for many of the successes I've had since I've been in business for myself, there are some things that didn't go as well that, every once in awhile, come back into my mind and bring me down. Even when these things aren't your fault, you want to succeed just because it's you, and you hate that you left something unfinished, something that you didn't overcome to do a great job with, and that someone out there thinks you don't know what the heck you're doing.

Think about the job you do, whether you're an independent or work for a company. Whether you have thick skin or thin skin, every once in awhile you feel as though you've been cut to the quick by a comment from someone you're working for, and most of the time it doesn't inspire you to become even better.

This doesn't mean that, as leaders or managers, you can't discipline employees, or bring things to their attention that may need correcting. Having to say bad things to people every once in awhile is part of being a leader; get used to that. It's not what you say as much as how it's said that will determine whether you're going to be encouraging someone to be better or making them worse because they're either afraid to do anything or mad enough to try to sabotage you in some fashion.

Think about how you like to be treated by others in the business world. Sure, we all say we like direct, but the truth is there are different levels of direct. When people yell at us we get angry, even if we hold it in. When people talk down to us, make fun of us, or are sarcastic to us, we feel resentful and guarded.

There are few times when I'm brutally honest with someone. I'd rather encourage people to become better so they continue working rather than break their spirit. That doesn't mean I don't tell them the truth, nor critique their work. Just recently I read two television scripts from a friend in California who wanted an objective look at her work. I told her exactly what I thought about many portions of each one, but I also added some encouragement here and there because, overall, neither story was horrible, and the plot twists were wonderful, if macabre.

A few years ago I read a script for a movie that was horrible at the time, but there was one character who was written great. So, in my critique, though I pointed out all the bad things I saw, and there were many, I played up how wonderfully written this one character was, and gave a recommendation. The writer took the suggestions I made, rewrote the script, and asked me to read it again. The second script was very good, though I had a couple minor suggestions, and that movie, Holla, was filmed in 2006 and is available on DVD after being picked up and distributed by a major motion picture studio. Had I come out and said it was the worst thing in the world I'd ever read and what was the writer thinking at the time, would my words have hurt the writer so much that they may not have gone back, made the corrections, and got it filmed? I'm not sure, but I've never been in the business of trying to break people down to make them better; that's what was done to slaves, and look where that got this country.

We always want to remember to treat people as we want to be treated, while at the same time being honest. Encouragement and motivation always works better than denigration and condemnation. Maybe it's too politically correct for some people, but as Dr. Phil asks many of the people who show up on his stage, would you rather be right or get the right results?

I could have easily stopped writing my book forever and allowed myself to wallow in negative thoughts. I was so close to that back in 2001, on something that, for the most part, wasn't related to me at all, yet I felt a connection. I came back when something stronger made me push forward. And that something was strong enough to push any other obstacle out of my mind, even if I hit a speed bump every once in awhile. Everyone can do it, but not all the time. Who wants to be the instigator of the downfall of someone else?

I prefer moving forward.