Why People May Enter Into Each Other’s Lives

I have a “new” friend that’s just gone into a hospice, and the prognosis is that she probably won’t be with this world within the next 60 days. I’m really sad about this, even though I never met her in person, but at the same time I recognize the kind of pain she’s been in and had been dealing with, and, from reading her Care Pages, I realize that she’s no longer in pain, and that’s a good thing.

As I was thinking back today, I realized that I had come into her life on a fluke, and yet, in my own way, I offered her something different that, according to her, she wasn’t getting anywhere else. She actually had gotten cancer almost four years ago, and was given only six months to live. But she surpassed that with a great spirit and great strength. We met on Facebook, oddly enough, playing a game reminiscent of Scrabble. I’m not sure how she popped into my game, but she did, and we started talking. I learned pretty early that she had cancer, but I knew that most people with critical diseases don’t like to be treated any differently than anyone else. So I kidded with her and picked on her and answered any question she asked me. I asked some questions myself, but never anything related to cancer. I figured that she came to the game to get away from those particular problems, so I never went there unless she brought it up first; she rarely did.

But, by October, I knew things weren’t going so well. She had a brilliant mind, but now she admitted that she was having trouble concentrating on the games. Then, while reading her Care Pages, she started talking about more of the problems she was having, and talk about the pain she was in was consistent. Then she started talking about meeting the people at hospice, and I knew that things weren’t progressing well. She was still on radiation therapy, and had an operation to help her walk better over the summer, but it was obvious that it was time to take more drastic measures. I’m figuring that none of us can understand the kind of pain that cancer causes unless we end up going through it. My dad, who had both lung cancer and renal failure, was in constant pain the last month of his life, but he couldn’t communicate to us just what kind of pain he was in; that always saddened me.

Anyway, what I remembered from when we were talking all the time is that, one day, she wrote me and thanked me for treating her as a normal person, and for taking the time to teach her things that no one else would because they didn’t think she was going to be around long enough to use any of it. I have to admit that it seemed like an odd thought at the time; why wouldn’t I treat her like a regular person and help her in any way I could? But then I thought about it some more, and I realized that, if it were my wife or one of my long time friends that I saw often, that I might be something different in front of them. I might show more sadness in my emotions than I might want to, or I might say worrisome words more often that they wouldn’t really want to hear. Her friends had probably gotten ready for the original six month prognosis, and when her life was extended, instead of being relieved and ready to move on, they probably carried this odd burden around with them ever since, waiting for the day when everyone realized it was time to give up the fight. Because, when one person gets sick, their entire community suffers in some fashion along with them.

You’re probably asking “what does this have to do with leadership”? It has a lot to do with leadership. Every day we deal with people who have things going on in their lives. Most of the time, if we’re working with each other, the leader just might have to make it all about the job, the business. However, there are times when a true leader has to recognize that it’s not always about them or their interests. Sometimes, it really is about other people, their employees or peers, their customers and their families. True leaders will recognize that. True leaders also will recognize that, even when it is about the business, as the same time it’s about the employees to a degree. Everyone deserves to be treated fairly, but fairness has different degrees.

I’m going to miss my friend, but I have to say that I’m also happy that, when she needed something different, I’m glad I was the one who popped into her life to help give her what she needed at that time. None of us knows when we’re going to step into that role, but it does happen to all of us at some points in our lives. Will you be ready to step up when it’s your time?