What Other People Think
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on May 31, 2008
My wife is a lovely woman, and I say that knowing she doesn't read my blog; isn't that a shame, you can work on getting others to read your stuff, but your own wife,... oh well,...
Anyway, she's one of those people that most other people just like. There are those kinds of people that others are drawn to for whatever reason, and she's one of them. She stands out in any crowd, but the reason she stands out is because she fits in with every type of person and crowd. Overwhelmingly, people are drawn to her in so many different circles that I like to stay close to feed off her karma. Okay, that's not totally true. I like going places with her, but I like to step away from her and watch how other people react. She earns fans, and her friends are so loyal that they literally fight over each other just to prove which one is the better friend. I used to see that with kids, but never with adults.
Now, here's the flip side of things, because not even her life can be perfect. There are those people who are strongly against her, for no other reason than the fact that so many others are for her. I hate to use the word "jealousy", but there's really no other explanation for it. It gets to a point where they will start creating problems, often making things up, and then wonder why no one believes them later on. And, because no one believes them, it then starts getting worse.
My wife used to be the type to respond to this sort of thing by deciding they could have it and leaving. That's happened a couple of times while we've been married, but as we've talked over the years it seems that was always a pattern with her. Standing up for herself against the minority of those who got on her nerves never seemed to be her way, and if one can't do that I guess it's fine, but allowing someone else to dictate to them is quite another.
I told her she couldn't continue going down this path in her life, because it limited the amount of satisfaction she was going to be able to derive in her life. She's such a happy and pleasant person, and the thought that anyone else could make her feel bad in the face of so much adulation from so many others was troubling to me. So, I got a break when Jack Canfield, he of Chicken Soup fame, was giving a presentation about six weeks ago at the casino close to where we live. I had a previous engagement and couldn't go, but I asked her if she'd like to go, even if she had to go on her own. She loves those books, and gained an even greater appreciation for him when he appeared in the Secret Movie, so she said yes.
It turns out to have been the best money I've ever spent, and I've spent my money on some pretty nice things (though don't talk to my friend Kelvin about the Palm Lifedrive; one mistake,...). She came home with a new philosophy and a plan, and one statement he made really stuck with her and seemed to be the difference maker: "What other people think about you is not your business."
How simple a statement is that? And yet, in its simplicity, the message is strong and clear, and it makes a lot of sense. A little part of this can relate back to my post on fear, and how we sometimes worry so much about what others are thinking or saying about us that it impedes us from going for our dreams and vision. Well, my wife took this statement to heart, and says it often, and it seems to have made a drastic difference in her professional and personal life. I'm not sure she sees it as I do, but I feel like she's taken a 10 fold step forward, and is better prepared for the challenges any detractor might ever think about imparting on her.
Isn't life better when we don't let someone else hold us back from what we want to do? I'm so glad to be the beneficiary of her good fortune.
Well, that was a great thing on your part to have her attend. She sounds like someone I would definately be great friends with. I am somewhat similar to her actually. I just try to be friends with everyone. I dont like conflict with anyone, and will avoid it if at all possible.
I would rather have friends than enemies, but having said that, there are those that just like drama and stirring things up because they want to get a rise out of you. I tend to see this where I work. People want to draw you to it all, I think, because you do your best to avoid it.
Anyway, I am glad she went and enjoyed herself, and came away with something new. Good for you to give her that.
We all catch a lucky break here and there, Amber, and we never really know what thing it will be that will work for us. I’m glad that worked well for her; thanks for your words.
Some people aren’t friend worthy actually. And if they’re not liking us, and we’ve tried to work it out. I’ve never lost “any one” that I shouldn’t have in life. Although, as you know, there is that one set of people who moved and seemingly disappeared off the planet… I had no explanation for that one.
Otherwise, I do know that if a person isn’t nice to us, or exhibits bad behaviors, no matter what capacity… they’ve got to go. I don’t care what people think to a point. When they start doing things, like a fella I know, that tears others down… or at least he tries to … then they have to go.
Why NOT be around people who like us, instead of trying to figure out “why” someone doesn’t?
I have more thoughts but I have to run to the store 🙂
Good points, Sue. However, as you know, there are those times when you just can’t up and get away from these people, such as job situations. Sometimes you can’t let people chase you away, but other times you might not have an option. In my wife’s case, she’s figured out a way to handle it, and her co-worker is freaked out by it. Works for her, so it works for me. 😉