How To Work With People Whether You Like Them Or Not
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Jan 21, 2012
One of the difficulties anyone who's any kind of manager faces is that your job depends on others to make you look good or bad. Your employees can make you look like a genius, even if the best thing that happened was that you inherited them. At the same time, just because someone is good at what they do doesn't mean they're a good employee, or even a happy employee.
Does an employee need to be happy? There's a couple of thoughts on that one. There are those managers who are tyrannical in their approach, who demand the utmost respect at all times, unquestioning loyalty and dedication to the job. Those whose employees are afraid to go to the bathroom because the person they report to will think they're slacking off.
There are those managers who are best buddies with their employees, god-parent to most of their kids, empathetic to the point where every day is anticipated with the same fever as teenage lovers who can only see each other at school because each of them lives at home with their parents.
Then there's the different types of employees: the one who whines that nobody cares about what they do; the one who instigates and whips other employees into a frenzy, yet would never say anything themselves; the quiet one, of whom you're never sure what they're thinking or how they feel; the efficient one, who at times questions how come he or she finds the work easy and begins to feel as though they're doing all the work; the slow one, who's usually trying the best they can and doesn't make many errors, or really may not have a clue as to what's going on but hasn't been found out yet; the friendly one, who knows when everyone's child's christening was throughout the entire company and has to share it with everyone else; the mad one, for which there's not a darn thing you'll ever be able to do to make things right for; the timid one, who you can't talk to because every time you say their name water gushes out of every pore of their body, then they shake, their voices quiver, and you start feeling guilty even if you're giving them good news… on and on.
Though we sometimes forget, employees are human. They have marital problems, sick children, trouble paying their bills, trouble getting along with others, etc. Some are able to put away their troubles and work well; some are not. Some have no problems at all, but just can’t keep their minds on their work; some are almost perfect. But no two are ever alike.
I was in management for many years in different capacities, and though I felt I changed a little here and there I always tried to adhere to one main theme; treat everyone like an adult and with respect. Usually I find that you get what you give, no matter what position someone has. There's so many factors that can impact the chemistry you try to achieve with your employees, or all employees, that if you don't have one consistent factor to get behind you're going to have trouble with everyone, so you might as well make sure the philosophy you pick is consistent.
What do you feel is the most preferable to your employees; a manager who treats them as the guilty party all the time, a manager who believes them all the time, or a manager who tells them the truth? Breaking it down further, which of these philosophies do you think works best with people in general?
I'm not perfect, and I'm not universally liked, but I was well liked. I don't believe many hated me, but if I were everyone's cup of tea I'd probably be rich, have lots of influence, and not be working anymore. But I'm not an every day manager these days.
For those who are, managers are there to get results, and supposedly are believed to have some kind of knowledge that others don't have. Most of the time it's just common sense. Sometimes the simplest thing to you may not be the simplest thing to someone else, and vice versa. How you deal with this knowledge usually impacts how you deal with others on whatever level they're on.
For instance, do you give the complainers a chance to make some decisions for the group? Do you actively solicit the participation of the quiet ones in group discussions? Do you communicate the with efficient ones to let them know how much you appreciate what they can do for your organization? Do you set goals for your individual employees, as well as the group, and do you have rewards when those goals are met? Do you try to be consistent in your relationship with your employees?
The last one can be hard because we're all human, and invariably you'll usually find at least one person who you feel you can talk to more easily than the others; you just want to watch how much you share with them. Do you know how to efficiently and fairly dole out work so that no one has more than anyone else, or do you try to do more than you can because it's easier than trying to train someone else?
There are no perfect answers because there will never be perfect people, and that includes directors and managers. The problem is that we’re like football coaches; you can’t fire the team, so you know who is going to take the blame. You have to be on top of your game when you address the concerns of your employees, whether they know they have any concerns or not.
It is pretty complicated matter, Mitch. I think that in most cases I have been manager number 2 from your classification, however not always. Gathering good team that fits perfectly requires a lot of time and as you mentioned we are people and everybody have some kind of problem in some point of time. About the people that I don’t like, well I rarely work with people that I don’t like and if I do there must be a reason at least one good reason to work.
Carl, these days I don’t work with people I don’t like, but when I worked in a large company sometimes I didn’t have a choice. In those instances I made sure it was all about the business and nothing else, and that always made the situations easier to deal with.
This is an interesting post. Being civil with someone whom you don’t like is like being tolerant with your nagging mother. Most mature persons do this so as to avoid hurting others and also maintain their interpersonal communications and relationships at a better state.
Thanks for sharing!
Lea Dee
No problem Lea. The thing is that within a company we don’t all have the freedom to work with who we want to work with sometimes, so we have to find ways to deal with those folks to get things done. Some people don’t care to be tolerant, which can make it difficult, but there’s always a way to work with these people, even if you have to pull rank on them, as I had to do a few times. But that’s never preferable because then you’re not sure of the quality of work you’re going to get back.
Thanks for this post Mitch.
Indeed people are far from perfect, expecting them to be is just an invitation to frustration. The best approach I have gathered over the years is to leverage on people’s strength more than their weaknesses. After all, no one gets anything done through their weaknesses, but with their strength.
A second, just like you pointed out is treating people like adults who deserve respect. People generally rise to our expectations of them, said John Maxwell. I think this is true, people become what we think of them. So to get the most from your people, might just require that you change your views about them. Help them be the best by first seeing the best in them!
Great comment Tito, and we’re in total agreement here. I tend to believe that people do elevate themselves to greater levels when they’re treated fairly, and I’ve seen it happen time and time again. And you have to be sincere when you do it because almost everyone can pick out a phony.
I think this type of person exists in every office whether it be private or public. They force people to become their minions and do all the dirty work for them, then they stamp on them as they make their way to the top. And the worker who has been taken advantage of and been robbed of the recognition of their work can forget about speaking up about them – most of the time they are hailed as invaluable workers so very irreplaceable.
Tana, I think I’ve been lucky because I haven’t had to deal with too many of this type of person. The few times I have, though, I can honestly say that I found my way around them that sometimes was sneaky but it proved to everyone just what that person “didn’t” know. But I’ve reserved that for special cases only. 😉
I have worked on many group projects in the past with many various corporations and no matter where I went, there was always that person that just hated to be there. They would complain about their love life, their kids, etc.
I just accepted the fact that they exist. The best thing that I ever did was just killed them with kindness and I made sure that I separated my work life from my personal life.
Great contribution Hannah. You’re right, there’s always one, but I’ve always evaluated just how important that person was to what I had to get done. If they weren’t all that crucial then I just moved beyond them, but if they were then I’d definitely put into play what you’ve mentioned here, and you’re right, it works wonders.