As I’ve gotten older, I find myself sometimes not being able to remember things as well as I could when I was younger. I’ll be thinking about something and then someone will ask me that exact thing, and my mind will forget what it’s called for a minute and I’m stuck and feeling stupid.

Most of the time, I will remember things relatively quickly because I’ve worked hard on setting up proper thought processes to help me get through these things. It’s something that I never did when I was younger and had a better memory, and yet it often helps me find and figure things out better than I could when I was younger.

For instance, these days I sometimes forget why I’ve walked into another room. I know I had something on my mind before I left the original room, but my mind was thinking about other things almost immediately, and it’s suddenly not there. I have found that if I just retrace my steps, even if I have to go back to the exact spot I left, it will come to me and I can proceed in going for what I wanted in the first place. It’s a thought process I’ve worked out that says to do everything I originally did but in reverse, in the exact order, and for whatever reason that seems to work. My mind can remember where my body was almost in perfect order; how’s that for surprising?

The reason that’s better than when I was younger is because back then my memory was so sharp on other things that I didn’t have to worry that if I walked into a room I wouldn’t remember why I was there. I didn’t forget the name of such and such singer who I’ve only seen once, or had heard the name and recalled it for no reason whatsoever. Things just went into my mind automatically, and I remembered them. However, if I lost something, I would have a heck of a time in finding it. That’s because I relied on my memory for so many other things, I hadn’t thought back then about training myself to learn how to retrace my steps. That caused a lot more consternation, because we all know that sometimes we lose things when we don’t know we’re losing them, such as when things fall out of your pocket or might slip behind cushions.

At a certain point, we all need to learn how to do certain things to help ourselves out. I tend to write more things down these days to help me when I forget something for a few minutes. I used to remember every phone number I’d ever heard, but I now have to write them down. I set alarms on my watch and on my cell phone to alert me to things because recall just isn’t what it used to be. All of these things help, and anything that helps is a good thing.

Have you had to find ways to alter your life to help your thought processes go better? Do you need help in learning ways to help yourself? Share your thoughts.

I’ve been working with a friend of mine lately on some of her business goals and personal dreams in my capacity as a business coach and consultant. This isn’t usually the type of thing I do, but I find that it’s sometimes easier to help someone else analyze their business and make positive strides with their business in some fashion that it is trying to do it for yourself. How am I doing? She told me a few days ago that she got more from me in 90 minutes than she did working with someone else over the course of 15 hours. I’d say that’s not bad.

There are two problems I sometimes see with coaching in general. One, certified coaches are often taught that every person they work with already had the answers inside them, and it’s up to the coach to try to bring answers out of them without telling them what they answers might be. I tend to disagree with that because I have found that sometimes people just don’t know. They had to have had some kind of basis by which they would know these answers, and if it’s something that their experience isn’t able to lead them to, then they’re never going to come up with answers.

Two, sometimes the focus is more towards a person’s mental state that is in trying to deal with the reality that they’re facing at the present time. The point being it’s easy to tell somebody that they need to focus on their dreams and if they can focus on their dreams and their futures will be great. What’s much harder is trying to help that person figure out what they can do sooner to help affect their bottom line any more positive fashion so that it eases their mind enough to help them focus on their future.

There’s actually a number three, that being that sometimes what’s requested of the person is a little bit more complicated than what they’re ready for. Just because someone comes to you for help doesn’t mean that they’re ready to be inundated to the point that they don’t know where to begin and thus will sit there and do nothing. I’ve seen that in business quite often, where someone is given a task to do and the date when it’s supposed to be completed but not enough information on how to do the job. They almost always fail, or miss the deadline, because not only did they not know how to complete the task, but because they were put in the position of thinking they were supposed to know how to complete a task they wouldn’t ask for help until it was critically necessary.

Asking someone a lot of questions solves no purpose if you can’t get people thinking either realistically or positively. Sure, you might have to ask questions to try to get an understanding of someone, but at the end of the day you have to be willing to really help somebody. I took a simple approach with my friend, which is probably the same kind of thing I would do for anybody else who asked for the same type of assistance. I gave her one small task to do that was meant to stimulate the mind over and over when needed. Then I gave her a specific task that was related to her business. It was part one of the steps where, once it was completed, she could use this over and over as well for her marketing. Then I gave her a suggestion for how to use this particular tool on a daily or weekly basis, such that if she did it the way I recommended it would only take her couple of minutes to do.

Once she saw that what I was proposing wasn’t going to complicate her life all that much, she was eager to go. Of course we talked about a few more things over time, but all of it eventually led to the three recommendations I gave her. We took care of the dreams part, and we’ve addressed the reality. The next time we meet, we will talk about reality a bit more, with dreams thrown in. Because the overall reality is that we all have to live, and we all need enough money to get by on, and we need a little bit more money than that to keep our minds calm and clear. If we’re worried about things, it’s hard to get other things done.

How are you addressing your dreams and reality today?

Last Friday, I was part of another interview by my friend Beverly Mahone of Boomer Diva Nation. This time I was acting in my capacity as an executive coach who also does some life coaching on the side here and there. Her basic topic was called Men Have Issues Too, and I was the voice of baby boomer men. Click on that link to listen to the interview, which went about an hour.

There were two main questions within the conversation over that hour. One was how could women get baby boomer men to talk to them. The other was what the general mindset of men is. Whenever you get into conversations like that, you have to always remember to make sure everyone knows you’re talking about generalities and not specifics. After all, you can say something about a group of anything, and you’ll always have at least one that doesn’t quite fit what everyone else.

On the first question, I answered that, with baby boomer men, and remember, that figure is for men born between 1946 and 1964, there’s absolutely nothing you can do, except probably getting one drunk, to get men to talk if we’re not predisposed to doing so. And even getting men drunk doesn’t mean what you’ll get out of them is what you wanted to talk about. We just weren’t brought up that way as a group. When we get together in general, we talk about sports, we talk about women we usually don’t know, we talk about movies and television. Some might have special things they talk about such as guns or bowling or computers, but in general we talk about things, not about our emotions.

On the second question of the general mindset of men, I went to some research that I’ve heard about in a couple of seminars I’ve been to. There’s this pattern of growth between men and women that go in opposite directions, even now. Men tend to start this pattern of upward mobility around the age of 23, and it has a nice trajectory until around the age of 37 or 38, when it starts to flatten out some. By 50, most men have hit their plateau, and either flat line at that point or start going backwards.

Women, on the other hand, show a much different pattern. They’re slowly going upward from the age of 18, looking like a flat line, with a slight bump in the upper 20′s. However, once they get around 37 or 38, they suddenly start showing upward growth. By the age of 47, they’ve usually caught men, and by 50 they’ve passed men, as they’re still going up until around age 56 or 57.

This isn’t a measure of how much money either party makes, as men overall still make more money than women do. It’s about the trajectory of growth. Women start out slower because of childbirth. Many stay home, or have jobs that don’t pay well so they can take time off to be with the kids. In their mid to upper 30′s, the kids are older or have graduated high school, and women are ready to take their shot at working better jobs, moving into management and more responsibilities, and even starting careers and businesses of their own.

Anyway, back to men. If suddenly you’re looking at your life and asking “is this it,” you will either become stagnant or start going backwards. Men need to continually have this feeling of growing, and sometimes, they get it into their minds that they’ve already gone as far as they can. And they might be right. I actually had that feeling around 39, when I realized that without an advanced degree in a field I didn’t want, if I stayed where I was that I was pretty much done, except for the occasional raise. There was no position I was qualified for to keep advancing; in health care, there is no ladder for moving above position without the proper degree, no matter how skilled you are.

It also helps to explain why men have a harder problem with this concept I wrote about and talked about back in February about reinventing yourself. It’s hard to think about changing while you’re thinking about your business life pretty much being over. I’ve talked to many men saying that, in a tough economy, there’s nothing wrong with trying to think about a skill or background they have and trying to make some money on their own. For most men, even those out of work, it’s just not something they can conceive of doing, especially after all those years of working for someone else. Women much more easily embrace the concept, and are more willing to give it a shot, even if it doesn’t work out.

If you’d like to share, what are your thoughts on baby boomer men? If you’re one, I’d love to hear from you. And I hope you listen to the interview also.

I found someone else who has used coaching to help improve her life, though this time it’s more for business life that personal life. Once again, her name will be anonymous, but she named some people, and I’ve linked to those people as I could find them:

1. What kind of coach did you employ?

I have three coaches:

3) Joe Stumpf of By Referral Only coaches on developing one’s referrals business and this, basically is the ‘bread and butter’ that just keeps coming in, while one is working on other things.

2. What led you to decide to get a coach?

Irrespective of the industry, we tend to lose a ton of money ‘trying this’ and ‘trying that’, in order to get and STAY on track. Because real estate is such a high cost business, it was cheaper for me to pay a coach than to lose thousands and many months learning the hard way.

3. What is a coaching session like for you?

Coaching sessions are usually 30 minutes in duration, and the times are set well in advance. It is important to be prepared for one’s coaching time so as to not waste precious time because the talk is fast and furious, once it starts. I look forward to my sessions because I use them as a benchmark for growth. If I do what my coach advises and complete my ‘homework’, then I am the one who benefits and that growth is measurable. It’s like a kid looking forward to the once weekly milk shake treat after doing chores all week! Very positive and uplifting.

4. How often do you communicate with your coach?

With most coaches, there is a once weekly session (some, every second week) but most coaches allow you to contact them if something important comes up. I have been fortunate in that all my coaches are just an e-mail away and they encourage contact, so I feel that they are there for me.

5. What has been the biggest change in your life that came from coaching?

Accountability and responsibility. Although I always had these things before, having my feet held to the flames, made me more accountable and more able to accept the responsibility of my actions – good or bad. Certainly, my time management improved vastly and I live by ‘highest and best use of time’.

6. What is the hardest thing about having a coach?

Not all coaches are a good fit. They can be the best coach in the world but an uncomfortable fit and then it’s time to ask for a change of coach. It’s not the end of the world…..

7. Would you recommend coaching for everyone?

No. Some people are uncoachable and try to coach the coach because they want others to think that they know it all. Some people believe that not knowing something about their industry is a sign of weakness and should be countered by an arrogant front. When working with a coach, it is important to trust the coach, have faith in them and to be absolutely honest with them and yourself. Being flexible and willing to break from ones ‘norm’ to try new things (or old things new ways) is part of ‘out of the box’ results. If you can’t make yourself coachable, don’t get a coach, but if you can be open to change and guidance, a coach can be the best thing for you and your business.

Mitch, in the time that you have known me, you have always marveled at the amount that I can get done in a day – THAT is what comes of coaching! Certainly, for some people, living two days for every 24 hours that pass, is not their ideal, but it is for me. I know that I only have ‘so’ much time on this planet and I intend to make every precious second count for something. I push myself hard – and then I employ coaches to push me further, to squeeze that last ounce of capability out of me, to keep me in balance.

I once again thank another friend for sharing her coaching experiences with us. Just like I said the last time, if you’re looking for an executive coach, I hope you’ll consider me while making your selection.

Some of you know I do executive coaching, though I’ll also sometimes do some life coaching. I’ve been asked by some folks what coaching is all about, and how it could help them. Though I always give an answer, coming from me, as someone who’s never had coaching, it always seems to come across as more of a sales pitch than as the real deal.

So, I recently found out that a friend of mine has been getting life coaching for three years, supposedly, according to a mutual friend, because of something I happened to mention at the time. I’d forgotten about it, and I asked her if she’d answer some questions about her experience. If I can find more people, this will become a new series. But let’s start with this one:

1. What kind of coach did you employ?

A Life Coach/Spiritual Healer

2. What led you to decide to get a coach?

I had done counseling for years due to childhood issues. I was having little progress going this route and once in massage school, I learned of coaching. I was introduced to the LIfe Coach via a teacher who commented on her amazing success in helping people to move forward in their lives. I knew I needed to get past my issues in order to grow and be successful.

3. What is a coaching session like for you?

At first, the sessions were dealing with the childhood trauma. These sessions were and still are on a monthly basis, going on now 3 years. Consistency is key. The sessions included steps to work through the trauma followed by home exercises and techniques to be applied in implementing change. Now the sessions focus on the growth of my massage business including marketing strategies, management techniques, affirmations, visualizations. Very powerful information!!

4. How often to you communicate with your coach?

Often!! Via email, phone, and I see her 2x per month.

5. What has been the biggest change in your life that came from coaching?

Confidence! I have walked through many negative emotions and thoughts. The pathway to success is breaking through the past and disconnecting from the old recorder playing in our heads. I have unleashed my true self.

6. What is the hardest thing about having a coach?

You have to be ready to listen and apply the techniques. Our egos sometimes stop us from listening. Take that step and trust the process.

7. Would you recommend coaching for everyone?

A football team without a coach is lost. The same is true of me. I would highly recommend utilizing a coach whether it is short-term or long-term. There is great value and benefit in these sessions.

I want to thank my friend for answering these questions. If you have any questions about my coaching, please click on the link above; I always give a free 30 minute session to see if we’re a good match for each other.