Business Courtesy Or Insecurity
Posted by Mitch Mitchell on Sep 8, 2013
I hate looking at myself in the mirror; just one of those things I suppose. Where this gets problematic is when I have to put on business clothing, whether it's in the morning or not, and I haven't noticed that something is amiss.
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Recently my issue has been in not remembering which of my shirts have buttons up near my collar where I can button them down or not. You'd think that would be easy to remember but I'm not a morning person. For me, it's a miracle that I can even remember to button my shirt up normally.
What happens of course is that the first time I end up going to the bathroom when I'm away from home I'll look into a mirror because it's now later in the day and I'm more alert, and see that I haven't buttoned down my collar, which explains why it's been flopping up all over the place. I'm slightly embarrassed because I know other people have seen it like that, but I get over it quickly enough.
What I'm wondering about is those other people. I can understand someone who doesn't know me not saying anything, but if you know me and see something amiss, why won't you say anything about it? Are you even paying attention to me or are you afraid to stir up trouble?
That's a tough question to answer because of the times we're living in. When I was an every day director I had only women working for me. I learned that in order to get through my days all the time that I had to stop noticing what some of the women were wearing. Some looked really good, some didn't look all that good, and there were dress code issues that had to be dealt with. I took the easy road; I appointed a female supervisor who always dressed appropriately to be the "clothes police" and moved on with life.
However, I've also realized that when something is amiss, no matter how much you try not to notice something it's screaming for your attention. Because of that, I knew when a skirt might be hiked up, or when something had messed up a blouse or shirt that someone was wearing. The art of ignoring the "out of place" is one I've never quite gotten right.
What did I do in those circumstances? I told the person what was wrong. I didn't laugh and I didn't tell everyone, just that person when I could. And it was always appreciated, even if they were embarrassed, because they knew I was trying to help them save themselves from more embarrassment from their co-workers, who had to have noticed something was wrong if I did; I'm not known as being Mr. Observant all that often.
This begs the question of whether not telling someone that something isn't quite right being business courteous or being insecure with one's own comfort level. You'd think this was an easy one to answer until you consider my next little story.
In this one, I was out at brunch in a hotel years ago with my wife. This woman came in with her husband in this black dress with a large white sticker plastered on her behind. It was obvious that it was a new dress, and it stood out easily. I wanted to go say something to the woman but my wife stopped me saying it would look like I was staring at her behind. I said it couldn't be missed but my wife was firm. So I asked if she'd do it and she said it wasn't any of her business. This was maybe 13 years ago; you can tell I'm still bothered by this.
Is there one totally right answer in this regard? I can't honestly say. I can say this though; when I'm by myself, if I see something out of place I always mention it. I've never had a single person be upset because I pointed something out that they didn't know about. Every person has always thanked me; that's a pretty good percentage I think.
Still, I know there are probably circumstances where this might not be wise. That's why I can't say that my way is the way for everyone. However, I do believe that the majority of people want to know if their zipper is open or their shirt is buttoned up incorrectly or buttons have popped open exposing more flesh than they'd like.
If you agree or disagree, let me know below.
Boy, do I have one for you.
Back in 2011 I went to a lunch meeting to talk over a new website.
It was a “referral” meeting where a good friend/client of mine was introducing me to a potential client.
Well, little did I realize I had slightly cut myself while shaving before I left. Despite doing a last “once over” in the mirror I didn’t see anything amiss before I left.
It must have started bleeding on my ride to the restaurant. But get this – NO ONE said ANYTHING.
Mind you, I’m walking into a RESTAURANT and my face is bleeding. Sorry for the all caps but it boggles the mind that a place serving food is going to allow someone who is bleeding to come in and sit down.
So the whole time I’m talking, shaking hands, laughing and joking, getting my water and getting my order taken I’m bleeding. Finally, after the first bite of food and I used my napkin, I see the blood on the napkin.
I say “whoa, please excuse me I think I’m bleeding”. Really? You think?? I go to the bathroom and there’s a stream of blood that has run down my chin and my neck but I never felt anything.
I cleaned it up and it stopped but I was incredibly embarrassed. When I got back to the table and apologized the client (not my friend but the new guy) says “Oh, I just assumed you already knew.”
AND I GOT THE JOB!
Again sorry for the caps but it still amazes me. I still do work for him even today, but I can’t believe he hired someone who he thought would go outside to break bread with a new client even while his face was bleeding.
Not that it has anything to do with the quality of my work but I was sure I would never get that job. Maybe he thought I was that dedicated to come out and get the work?
Everyone who saw me -the door greeter, the waitress, the restaurant customers and my friend and the client were too uncomfortable to let me know I was bleeding, I guess.
Sorry for the long comment but it still trips me out even today…
Thanks for sharing that story John. Man, that had to be horrible, and yet I feel like I can see it plainly because I know things like that have happened to others. I’m not sure I could sit across from someone bleeding and not say anything but one never knows right? Glad you still got the gig.
Without a doubt I’d like to be warned if something was amiss with my clothing etc; as John outlines though, for me personally, it’s more likely to be a cut (bleeding from shaving), or maybe hair sticking up or out of style for whatever reason. I guess why most people never mention to strangers about such things: is that they never know the reaction, or over-reaction, in this day and age. Luckily, as guys, I am guessing it’s easier not to make such mistakes.
Actually Richard, one of those things I kind of worry about all the time is if my zipper is up, mainly because it seems like sometimes that bad boy has a mind of its own. Lucky for me I wear colored drawers so maybe people think it’s just part of the ensemble. lol