Mitch’s Blog

(originally published July 4th, 2005)

I love America, my home country. America is the only country in the world that’s gone to war to protect and free others, and in modern times always returned to its own shores, not staying as conquerors. America is the first country called upon whenever there’s a disaster anywhere in the world. America is the country that has the most immigrants each year. Love it or hate it, America is the preeminent country in the world, and I’m proud that my dad went to two wars for this country, whether or not we agree that those wars were justified.

Most people know about the Statue of Liberty. Most people know about the phrase “give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.” Well, that’s not all quite accurate, nor complete. It’s not written in the tablet that Lady Liberty carries in her hands. It’s actually written on a plaque attached to the base. It’s part of a full poem, with a title and all. With everything that we look back on in American history, the wars, the politics, the capitalism,… this is what America is truly about:

(originally published December 31st, 2005)

I don’t usually do New Years resolutions because I tend to believe that every day is another opportunity to begin anew. Still, I found myself with time this weekend, and I’ve spent most of today going through all the paper, manuals, and magazines in my office, discarding more than half of the items because they were cluttering up my space. There’s something that comes over you that makes you feel free and open whenever you can clear out a lot of waste from your working space.

While doing it, though, it made me think of other things I might need to clear out of my life, or space. I’m one of those folks who tends to try to hold onto relationships, no matter how minor, even when I’m not getting anything reciprocally. I presently have a friend or two from as far back as elementary school, which isn’t easy to do when you’re a military kid, traveling from place to place. But there are other friends, nay acquaintances, from much more recent times, who I continue to reach out to, but don’t hear anything back from them.

I figure it’s probably not that they don’t care, but that they don’t have the time; man, have I learned that lesson from this year. It’s hard keeping in touch as much as I did before I started going on the road as much as I have for the past two years. Yet, I still do keep in touch. I write the occasional email or letter, and even pick up the phone and make a surprise call, both personal and business.

But there comes a time when we all have to decide what we’re going to put our energies to. And so, the next step in cleaning my life up before the new year comes upon me is looking at all those names and addresses and emails, business and personal, and discarding those who I know aren’t going to try to reach me any time soon, or far. As it pertains to business, why hold onto a business card when you can’t remember the face it was attached to? If you can’t remember whether you got it 3 months ago or 3 years ago, isn’t it time to let it go? Same with friends, or acquaintances. If you’ve sent Christmas cards two or three years in a row and haven’t heard word one back, or have sent email time and time again and not received any responses, even bounces back from supposedly bad email addresses, it’s probably time to let go. The memories will always be precious, if they were meant to be.

For me, the action may just be timely, but it’s necessary. What about you; what clutter are you ready to take out of your life as you head into 2006? Stay safe everyone.

(originally published December 28th, 2005)

I hope everyone had a very nice Christmas; those who celebrate Christmas, that is. Once again this year, I went to my mother’s house for the holiday. Both of my wife’s parents are gone, as well as her grandparents, and I still have Mom and my grandmother.

This year was the best year out of the last 3 years for two reasons. One, I had the money to buy Mom lots of stuff, as well as my grandmother and wife. Two, Mom is finally coming out of her 3 year funk for Christmas since Dad passed. Christmas was my dad’s favorite holiday. Each year, even once I moved out, he’d put up the Christmas tree, decorate it himself, then set up his train set to go around the living room, making sure it passed by the tree often. He always did most of the decorating, because he loved it.

Knowing this, Mom went into a holiday funk each year afterwards. This year, because we had to get something else, was the first time in years that Mom has gone into a store other than a grocery store around Christmas time. The first half hour was very emotional as she started thinking about it. I stayed close, and stayed with her and my wife as we had other business to tend to that day. Eventually, she started coming around and feeling better, and at the end of that day she said that maybe she was ready to get out and about once again, since, after the initial emotions, she started enjoying herself. Then again, who wouldn’t enjoy themselves hanging out with me?

There is this thing about grief that says each person deals with it in their own way, in their own time. In the past, I’ve talked about grief and how tough it is when working for a company because each company has rules for how much bereavement time a person gets, yet most of us know that if you bring someone back just because the rules say so that you’re probably not getting someone who’s at full attention. In my case, I didn’t come out of the initial funk until almost 3 months later; imagine how well that would have worked if I wasn’t self employed.

As we get close to the new year, take some time to think about those who have gone from our lives this year, those who have gone from our lives in the past, those who have gone from the lives of people you know, and have a compassionate moment for their loss; I bet you’re missing someone today. At least they’re not forgotten.

(originally published April 13th, 2005)

I belong to a writer’s group, and this weekend we’re having a writer’s workshop at the local library. It’s been in the newspaper, and we have at least 25 people coming. One of the speakers, a local director, was one of the reasons for the draw. However, today he withdrew from the commitment he made, only saying that he wouldn’t be coming; that was it.

I acknowledge that things happen all the time, and sometimes we all have to break a commitment. But when we make these commitments to others, I feel that there needs to be a bit more consideration for what others might be missing, and at least they deserve some sort of explanation as to why you’re not going to go through with that commitment.

I was reading something earlier tonight where this person had made time out of her busy schedule to review something at another person’s request, and even an hour later that person hadn’t shown up. So she thought that maybe something happened, and that she’d receive an email or a phone call from the person apologizing for missing the appointment, and two days later she hadn’t heard word one.

We live in a fast paced world, and it seems that courtesy and common sense sometimes takes a back seat to rudeness and inconsideration. Think about how upset you get when people take advantage of your time, and try to remember that when it comes to the time and anticipations of others.

(originally published May 17th, 2005)

Things aren’t always what they seem to be. Have you ever been in a position where you know you’re right and just can’t believe the other person wants to debate you on something? How often, if ever, are you proven to be wrong? If rarely, is it because you really weren’t wrong, or that you just refused to be wrong?

Can two people be right, even if they have a different take on things? It’s an interesting conundrum, one that I’ve thought about for a long time. I’ve come to realize that not only can two people be correct, but multiples of people can be correct, yet be on the opposite sides of something.

What makes it occur is that the issue doesn’t really have a yes or no answer, and the variables are so vast that there’s really no way of saying that one person is ultimately correct or not. Time may prove it one way or another, but right then are there who’s to really say?

I make this point to help open eyes just a little bit more. I’m no different than anyone else in saying I have some strong opinions about a few things, and I’m fair to middlin’ about many others. What I like to believe, however, is that I can see the other person’s side, even if I disagree with it in principle. I can kind of equate it to Christianity; if it’s so agreeable, then why are there so many different variations and sects and ways to show belief in what’s essentially the same thing? Are they all wrong or all they all right, or are they all just whatever they wish it to be?

Try to give others the benefit of the doubt when plausible; you might be amazed at the insight you’ll gain.

(originally published May 12th, 2005)

Tonight could have been one of those nights that bring complaints for a long time. I was coming home from the downstate area of New York this evening. My car had started making a noise that it had made four weeks earlier, but the service department at the dealership assured me that there wasn’t anything wrong with the car. So I figured the noise would probably last long enough this time for me to get it back to the dealership and let them take another look at it.

I’m on the Tappan Zee Bridge on the way home, in the midst of a lot of traffic that’s moving pretty slow, and in my mind I said “I hope the car doesn’t stop on the bridge.” Just then, the car popped, and it stopped on the bridge, in one of the middle lanes. First thing I did was turn on the flashers, as the car still moved on its own impetus. Then I finally just stopped the car, after those behind me had a chance to move over. I tried to start the car again a couple of times, but knew it wasn’t happening.

I was relaxed, though, so I reached into my wallet, pulled out the AAA card, and dialed the number. At the same time the person answered the phone, a large truck pulled up behind me; what great service! These guys worked for the Thruway Authority, and they told me they basically cruise the bridge during rush hour, just in case things like this happen. It was literally two minutes after I had stopped my car; I know because I timed it (it’s what I do). In their own fashion, they pushed my car to a safe location, and called someone to tow me elsewhere. The second truck arrived in 4 minutes; I couldn’t believe my luck.

Basically, within 45 minutes I was back on my way home, my car at a dealership in that area, myself in a gold Kia something (I know nothing about cars), and all my stuff in the rental. However, the one thing that kept running through my mind was the first thing the tow truck driver asked me once we were both in his truck: “And how was your day?”

My answer was “Fine; it’s been a pretty good day.” Not an answer he was expecting, as I could tell by his face, but it really was. On the face of it, I could see how he’d think I would be upset; potential major car repair bill, many miles away from home, might not make it home if I couldn’t get a rental car quick enough and the cost of towing my car home would have been astronomical. He asked me where I’d learned to be so calm; I told him I wasn’t sure about that one, but all things considered, I was pretty lucky. At lunch, a friend suggested I should leave earlier than I had planned because of traffic in the area, and if I hadn’t listened a major sequence of events would have changed totally.

Instead, I was positive and had taken good advice. My car stopped in the middle of a great bridge, but no one jammed up behind me. I got help almost immediately, twice in less than 10 minutes. The dealership has to honor my warranty, and even if they didn’t, I have the money to pay for it, the rental car place was open another 20 minutes as I got there, and they had two cars left, one that was just great for me, and now I’m home, with my wife, in my house, with my health, and soon to be in my bed. What more could one want in life?

In T. Harv Eker’s book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, he says that when you concentrate on being positive, positive things come into your life; if you concentrate on the negative, negative things come into your life. I don’t have to be shown more than once how true it is; what about you?

(originally published April 14th, 2005)

I wrote in another place a couple of days ago on the topic of anger; more specifically, not expressing anger by yelling at people.

I tend to believe that no person deserves to be yelled at; I extend that to children, although I’m going to leave that one alone, having never been a parent. However, as I keep thinking about this topic, I realize that if I don’t want people yelling at other people that I have to offer options of things they can do, and hopefully not get committed for.

For instance, it’s okay to yell in the car, but if someone’s near you they’ll think you’re nuts. It’s okay to yell in your house and garage, but usually people only yell then if they hurt themselves. It’s okay to yell during sporting events; that’s what they were made for.

But if you’re working with someone and you want to yell; nope. There are some who say you need to count to 10 before saying anything; not a problem, but please don’t count out loud. It’s okay to take a deep breath or two, but a very loud sigh will probably cause more problems than just yelling.

When I get really angry, which is a very rare event, my voice level goes down, because I want to keep as even keeled as possible. My language changes; I don’t cuss or swear, but what happens is that my language gets very formal and I start using very large words. Usually the person has no idea what I’m talking about, but that’s okay because it has its own way of changing the dynamic of a situation. In general, it’s all about changing dynamics in the long run.

No one wants to stay mad for a very long time; whether they do or not is another issue. Some people can blow up and let it go; others rant forever. I believe if you try to identify, in periods of time when you’re not angry, how you’d like someone else to speak to you and act around you if they get angry, then you’ll come to an understanding of how you need to react and treat others when you’re angry. If you’re intelligent enough to learn from yourself, you’ll be miles ahead of those who don’t seem to be ready to learn from anyone, including themselves.

(originally published May 2nd, 2005)

Today is May 2nd, and though I’m a couple of days off, in essence it’s the middle of spring. Spring usually signifies rebirth, so I hope that most of you are feeling some sort of rebirth as we, especially those of us in the northern climes, are starting to experience some better weather than we had the previous months.

At the same time, though, the last couple of days have been cooler and wetter than we probably have hoped they’d be. For tomorrow night, they’re even predicting that we might see snow once more; like we need more snow. But it won’t last, because spring, then summer, is going to come, no matter how long it takes to get there.

Is there a more perfect metaphor for how life should go than the seasons, and what usually transpires? Our lives go through different seasons, yet even in those seasons when we’re expecting the best, sometimes it just doesn’t go our way. But another day is usually around the corner, and that day will, hopefully, be better than the last. At least we have a chance for it to be better.

Not only that, but even those bad days can sometimes bring something special. For instance, a cold rainy day brings about great growth in plants the following days. When certain bad things happen in your life, the next good things usually seem to be that much more special because of what one might have had to overcome to get there.

How will you view your seasons over the next month. I’ll be on two journeys; one out of my area about four hours away for awhile, the other more personal, because every time one goes into a new assignment of some kind, or a new job or a new love or anything else new, there’s a personal journey you also take with you, and though you may not be in total control of all circumstances, you get to have a say in how those circumstances will affect you, as well as how you view them. I will view my seasons as great things coming; what about you?

(originally posted April 10th, 2005)

Have you ever felt off? By that, I mean you just don’t feel like yourself? You’re not angry or mad or upset, you just don’t feel like you do all the other times.

Everyone goes through something like this at one time or another. Some people chalk it up to being restless or bored; I don’t know that it’s either of those things.

I do know, however, that there are things we can do to try to alter how we’re feeling. Actually, altering is precisely what I’m going to recommend. Change your routine, no matter if it’s a big thing or a small thing. For instance, I tend to sit at my computer most of the day; I rarely will leave the computer when I’m home, which is a shame. But whenever I feel off, I’ll grab a book and go into another room. Sometimes I do a good thing and get on the treadmill for awhile. When the weather gets just a little bit better, I’ll think about going for a walk in the neighborhood, or getting into the car and driving to Onondaga Lake for a walk.

We all need a change in routine every once in awhile. If you find that what you’ve selected doesn’t work, try something else. That’s the beauty of life; we always have another chance to try something new.

(originally published May 4th, 2005)

How do you welcome new employees to the fold, whether you’re management or a co-worker? Are you sincerely friendly and helpful, or a little weary of what you might be getting?

I ask this question because I’ve recently experienced the tale of two cities, so to speak. As a consultant, I never know what kind of reception I’m going to get whenever I go into a company. On my previous contract, the management staff I had to work with was very hesitant in accepting me into their fold. When one encounters resistance, it just makes getting into the swing of things very difficult. If I were a regular employee, I might feel as though I weren’t welcome, and that I might not be at this job very long.

On my new contract, I walked in and was welcomed immediately. I was asked to contribute within two hours of my arriving, and people were listening to every word I had to say. I was accepted as one of them, something that rarely happens. If I were a regular employee, I would feel as though this was a place I wanted to be at for a very long time, and I was going to make sure that if anything ever happened negatively for the company, it wasn’t going to be because of anything I did.

Everyone has ulterior motives, to some degree. Are you going to make sure that yours will impart a positive, or negative, effect on others?