Repairing A Fractured Working Relationship

(originally published February 14th, 2006)

Every once in awhile there comes a time when the manager and the employee just aren’t getting along. Suddenly the employee seems to be insobordinate, or the manager seems to be going out of his or her way to be abusive in some manner to the employee. Humans just have a habit of doing that to each other every once in awhile.

This is usually caused by the relationship getting blurred between managers and employees. In essence, they either have become friends or started out antagonistic towards each other for some reason or another. Maybe they were co-workers and one of them got promoted. Maybe there was a previous history between them, and now suddenly they’re in the same department, with one reporting to the other.

Is there a chance to repair these situations? Always; matter of fact, it’s imperative. No matter the baggage that’s been created in some fashion, it’s important for managers, even more than employees, to attempt to get things at least back to a business relationship. In the long run, it’s the manager who will have to answer the questions as to why things didn’t go well, and the manager who will have to make the ultimate decision at some point; the employee or me. And deciding on saving yourself, if you make this a consistent pattern, won’t play out well for your career long term.

Managers need to always keep lines of communication open to begin with, but in instances like this, it’s up to the manager to make the first step. Bringing an employee into a room where it’s only the two of them, then allowing the employee to speak frankly during this session is the first step. Give the employee the first opportunity to speak; they probably won’t do it, but if they do, listen without interruption, and take it like an adult if you don’t like what they have to say. Then it’s your turn, but no matter what you say, make sure it comes out in an even manner, without bad emotions or intentions, because that will only make things worse.

After each of you had had your say, it’s time to try to figure out how to proceed. Your next phrase should be something along the lines of “what can we do to get this behind us and establish a good working relationship?” This gives you the opportunity to see if the employee is willing to be a team player, or whether things are so bad that you’re going to have to go in a different direction. If the employee can’t think of what to do, you should have a solution ready yourself, and even if the employee has an idea, you should keep your idea in mind as a possible suggestion if what the employee has to say is something you can’t live with. However, at this point, at least you’ve begun a dialogue, and now you have a chance of correcting the damage.

But here’s the important thing; remember that you’re the manager, or director, or whatever, and you can’t allow either suggestion to take away the authority you’ve been given to get the job done. If you were friends before, learn the lesson and don’t do that again. If there was previous baggage, get beyond it and start working towards your common goals. Be flexible, but don’t be a doormat; if that happens, you won’t earn any respect, and that will get you nowhere.