Doing It Your Way

It's the first full week of the new year, and I hope everyone has established, in some fashion, their goals for the new year. As usual, I have put my goals out on my blog, hoping I force myself to reach them; probably won't work, but at least I'll give it a shot.

There's a funny thing about blogs. You write them, hoping that people will stop by to read them, and hopefully they'll also leave messages. What happens more often, though, is there are some people who already know you, which means they have your email address and bypass the comments area. And, usually when they're doing that, it means they have a commentary to make that they don't really want anyone else to see, which also means it's not necessarily nice, though, hopefully, it is well meaning.

To that end, I've received five messages from people who have looked at my goals and decided to comment on them. I'm not going to say what they told me, but I was thinking as I read them how each of us has our ways of thinking about things and doing things, and how sometimes, though it may be a minor change, how irritating it can be when someone tries to get us to do things their way, for no other reason than because they like it that way.

For instance, I remember being told a story of a conversation someone was listening in on. The one woman decided it was time to complain because the other woman, whenever she finished a project, left her work on the left side of the desk, rather than on the right side like everyone else. The other woman responded because she was left handed, and that was the side she did most of her work on.

I hear stories all the time where one party gets irritated with another because they don't do things the same way as everyone else, or so the perception is. Sometimes, it's hard for many to let go of the concept of individuality, that people can do something differently and still have it turn out okay. Truthfully, it's a lesson I had to teach myself when I was a director for the first time. I found myself trying to do the work of others because I perceived that if they didn't do it my way that it wasn't being done correctly. However, I had 80 people reporting to me, and I was working upwards of 14 hours a day, not counting the two hours on the road, and after a couple of months I realized that I was going to kill myself if I kept trying to work at that pace, and that I had to trust that I had trained my new staff well enough so that they could get the job done, no matter which order they decided to work in.

I tend to get a lot of unsolicited advice; I guess I just have one of those faces or demeanors that makes people want to help me. Sometimes I take it in silence; sometimes I don't. I rarely offer unsolicited advice, this newsletter notwithstanding, because I not only have an understanding of how I am, but I have an understanding of how most adults will react when it's given. Not that people get mad, but they get defensive, and many times will reject the suggestion outright. We all tend to think that criticism is personal, depending on who's passing out the advice, unless we've asked for it.

Think I'm off on this one? How many people have had parents in their life? How many of us have listened to every single thing a parent has told us and said "I absolutely agree with you" each and every time? How many people have had teachers in their lives? How many of us have said to them "You are absolutely correct, and I'm going to do everything you tell me with no questions asked?" For those of us who are married, do we go along with every single thing our spouse tells us, whether we believe they're right or wrong, just because they've shared their wisdom with us?

Of course, there are some procedures that are crucial to follow to the letter. In my mind, having the people who create nuclear plants make one silly mistake wouldn't be a good thing. I want the doctor who's operating on me to do it by the book. However, on this second one, doctor's don't all do it by the book. They all have the basics down, but doctors have preferences in scalpels and other materials they use. They have different ways of closure after an operation. When I had my hernia operation two years ago, my surgeon told me he did this special closure that he felt worked better than regular closures in making sure the hernia wouldn't rupture a second time, unless I did something really stupid. I didn't even think to question whether this was good or bad practice, even though I knew it wasn't standard.

When one interacts with other people, I always feel they should try to remember how they feel about certain things before they go acting differently. This applies as much in a person's personal life as it does in their professional life. Although managers may be responsible for the performance of their employees, trying to do it all for them every step of the way, even with constant suggestions, stifles independent thinking, and that's not necessarily a good thing. In the book "Chairman Powell: A Leadership Primer" by Oren Harari, he quotes Powell as saying "Effective leaders create a climate where people's worth is determined by their willingness to learn new skills and grab new responsibilities, thus perpetually reinventing their jobs." Who would be willing to try to learn anything new if they were always being told they're not doing it one specific way all the time?

As I relate this back to my goals for the year, I have an understanding that all these people want to help me. However, what they don't realize is that I have to do it on my own, and if I need the help, I'll ask for it. And if it doesn't get done, then I'll have learned a different lesson, which just might be as valuable in the long run, in some fashion. As long as I'm not hurting myself; if that happens, well, that's what spouses and mothers are for. Just don't tell them I said that (like they won't read the newsletter).